Miscellaneous: Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 11:29 - Netherlands

Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 774

You deserved it 3 825

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Short Queen

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my 36th birthday. My boyfriend and I celebrated with a big group of our friends, our families, and their kids. Everyone there was taller than me, including my friend's 10 year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 111

By Chakkamofo - 01/02/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 009

You deserved it 2 455

By rene - 22/08/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 876

You deserved it 3 368

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 14:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 659

You deserved it 2 028

By you would - 04/03/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140 978

You deserved it 7 662

By Jeri - 12/02/2010 08:41 - United States

Today, the day of my 29th birthday and two weeks after our 10th wedding anniversary, the only thing my husband got me for my birthday was divorce papers. Happy birthday, bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 661

You deserved it 4 948

Party!

By kelkline - 31/08/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 083

You deserved it 3 533

It's the thought that counts

By Not a day over 35 - 18/06/2013 13:06 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 687

You deserved it 5 833

By Birthday blues - 13/12/2018 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I lit my birthday candles on the cake I made myself and blew them out alone, while my worthless husband sat on the couch stuffing Doritos in his face. My present? He sprayed Lysol in the bathroom after he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 037

You deserved it 601

Who are you?

By Boyufd - 19/06/2021 00:01

Today, it was my birthday. Also today, same as the past five years, my family forgot my mine and threw a party for my 5-year-old twin sisters who I share a birthday with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 94

Next

Top comments

kira1kira 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:17

dad:kids, tommorow is your mom's birthday! kid: how old is she? dad: .... other kid: she looks, like, 50. kid: yea let's go with that. dad: ok, sounds good

L0veh8te 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 20:24

Happy 50th Bday

Comments

kira1kira 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:17

dad:kids, tommorow is your mom's birthday! kid: how old is she? dad: .... other kid: she looks, like, 50. kid: yea let's go with that. dad: ok, sounds good

spongebobrocks 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 22:23

LOLOLOL.

meg8 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:25

hahahahahaha

AntiChrist7 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:40

Your husband and kids must be pretty retarded. YDI for marrying him and let him reproduce

divineinstrument 2

Wednesday 22 July 2009 22:35

... Is this meant to be funny or something?

davidomke 0

Thursday 23 July 2009 4:29

well, it is

Lounia_fml 8

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:43

Roflol echt typisch nederlands he ;) Gefeliciteert xD!!

JustSoLost 8

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:45

HAHA. I'm sorry to hear HAHA lol anyways men are liek tht dont blame him. they tend to forget easily.

brookelynnxo 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:46

LMAO. ouch

tubaguy42 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:48

maybe you really ARE 50. and if you are 47 as you claim, then everyone will feel bad and (hopefully) treat you extra nice.

Eponine_fml 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:57

Dat is kut!

comeonrele 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 21:59

wow 3 years off...big woop. ppl look the same as they did 3 years before and at least they remembered ur birthday

live_my_life245 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 22:43

same as they did 3 years prior? not really...........

Eelusive 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 22:33

Do you look 50?

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The Top

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 1 844

Today, I pulled my Christmas tree out of my mother-in-law's garage, only to find out rats had ruined all the lights. The tree cost $2600. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 514

The Top

Today, I was serving a rude and obnoxious couple at a restaurant. They made outrageous demands, then they got up and snuck out while I wasn’t looking. They were kind enough to leave a “tip” on the receipt they hadn’t paid for, saying, “Maybe if you lost weight you’d be fast enough to catch us!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 146

Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 845

You deserved it 4 744

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 152

You deserved it 8 348

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 496

You deserved it 20 186

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 589

You deserved it 43 608

Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 303

You deserved it 5 919