Miscellaneous: Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream... - FML

By pistonchamp159 - 28/08/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 9 932

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Same thing different taste

By Ugh - 15/02/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 822

You deserved it 3 864

Wake up call

By das_shizzle - 05/05/2020 23:00

Today, I woke up to my husband trying to bite my forehead in his sleep. My response? I slapped him hard in the face. What a way to wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 275

By Qwerty - 28/06/2011 16:10 - Australia

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 996

You deserved it 5 285

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 939

You deserved it 6 532

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 461

You deserved it 809

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 254

By Allie cat - 02/12/2016 13:43

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 481

You deserved it 1 581

How deep is it?

By Anonymous - 22/12/2019 01:00

Today, my husband rolled over in his sleep, cuddled up to me, and lovingly whispered “I love you Pizza Hut...” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 898

You deserved it 277

By Eet- - 13/10/2011 19:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 211

You deserved it 4 268

By torny>horny - 10/04/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 601

You deserved it 4 984

Next

Top comments

Fredzter 0

Friday 28 August 2009 16:19

HAHAHA!! He is my hero! If you don't want him, I'll take him!! :D

iDemonChild 0

Friday 28 August 2009 16:21

Lol. Whipped cream and tickling your nose... Classic. =D

Comments

Ejvind 0

Friday 28 August 2009 19:32

What the ****? That's ******* epic. I'm a man, and this is guy is my ******* hero.

youthink_fml 0

Friday 28 August 2009 19:37

Some people just like to blow things way out of proportion to bitch, complain, and whine.

Whirling_Kumquat 0

Friday 28 August 2009 19:42

Anything having to do with whipped cream is an automatic "Your life is NOT ******!" Seriously, get a sense of humor.

THTB 3

Friday 28 August 2009 20:05

What is wrong with these FMLs now? It's just full of whiny people who think every little joke or rip on them is an FML moment.

PuhPuhPuhPi 0

Friday 28 August 2009 20:30

The worst part isn't even that someone put this whiny FML on here; it's that enough idiots that moderated this one thought that it was an FML moment. I used to think that most people were smart.

gpstyne 0

Friday 28 August 2009 20:31

nice to know you married a ten year old

rickrolled01 0

Friday 28 August 2009 20:35

Gosh, Do people even know the definition of FML anymore? Or are people just turning into bigger and bigger wimps!?

merri_fml 0

Friday 28 August 2009 20:44

...tell me how this is a bad thing? Seriously...

talim_fml 3

Friday 28 August 2009 20:47

omg people chill. it took like 2 seconds of your time to read that and im guessing if youre on this site, you really dont have anything else to do. i thought it was funny.

kapay 0

Friday 28 August 2009 20:55

I saw this in a Burger King commercial. BFD.

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Keywords

Gifts Awkward Kids Money Annoying Work Coworkers Accident Miscellaneous Weddings Cute Love Sports Health Erratas Ironic Neighbours AITA Housework Home improvement Cleaning Disappointment Snoring Embarrassing Am I overreacting? Relatable Family Politics Anniversary Pranks

The Top

Today, my wife of 8 years bumped into my ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago. Despite having never met one another and no overlap in our dating, they both knew each other, but both acted like they didn’t. My ex proceeded to have an anxiety attack, and my wife played aggressive mind games with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 110

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 197

You deserved it 12 430

The Top

Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 2 443

Today, I caught my mom and her boyfriend fucking in their room at night, all because I wanted to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 362

Today, after the church service was over, my two year-old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang "Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 429

You deserved it 9 365

Today, the janitor and I both had to tell a tenant that his upstairs neighbor cannot push gas into his air vent to constipate him, as that's not how gas, the human body, or our ventilation system, work. We told him repeatedly that he needed to see a doctor. About his constipation. He still wasn't sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 93

Today, my mother-in-law took a phone message on the back of my marriage license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 788

You deserved it 292

Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 060

You deserved it 4 830