Animals: Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama...

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 733

You deserved it 8 165

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Same thing different taste

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 02/07/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 150

Poor little guy

By Almost neutered - 28/11/2022 00:00

Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 260

CLAWS

By Attacksloth32 - 09/07/2021 01:59

Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 232

Never disrespect the cat

By Rafiki - 22/02/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 283

You deserved it 31 829

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 800

You deserved it 12 917

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 575

Rocky VIX

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 20:06

Today, I was laying with my face dangling down the side of my bed, when my kitten rushed up to me looking worried. He sniffed me for a while, then decided the best thing to do was to stand on his hind legs and start punching my face like a speed bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 501

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 637

Get back here!

By catgirl911 - 13/10/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 190

You deserved it 25 157

truslide 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 1:52

i am so sick of this pussy on pussy crime!!! LOL

mooseman 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 1:50

kinky.

Comments

missbrunettgirl 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 16:45

This is why I'm a dog lover!

screwloose 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 16:50

It's not that it hurts more for a guy. It's that guys can't take the pain-- men have a much lower tolerance to pain than women. As for declawing: don't do it! One of the main reasons to declaw is to protect your furniture. Most cats with litter box aversion (where they piss and shit outside the box, and in places like, say, your bed) are declawed. So declawing leads to furniture and carpet damage. Even aside from the humane aspect, declawing is a bad idea. Instead, trim your cat's claws regularly and/or use the plastic claw caps to keep them from damaging stuff.

rukusrazor 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 16:54

Free piercing! Optimism!

mike_i_am 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 18:07

ATTACK OF THE PUSSY ... cat

uhmfml 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 18:09

Why do people have to take every FML so freakin literally?? We all know what the OP meant when she said that the cat was "hanging from [her] ******". Some people take this site so seriously and feel the need to correct and/or criticize every poster. To the OP: I am so unbelievably sorry. I couldn't even fathom that pain.

Liz23Ilia 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 18:22

New rule: Just say Vulva, the area in general, so people don't correct you on what part is what. "My cat hung from my 'vulva' " sounds weird, but at least it won't be a game of "guess the external part!"

lillyass 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 19:05

Shave the pussy

sickofnames 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 19:19

#223 "It's not that it hurts more for a guy. It's that guys can't take the pain-- men have a much lower tolerance to pain than women." That is such complete crap. It does hurt more for guys and in no way do men have a lower tolerance to pain. I can't remember the last time I saw a man cry out of physical pain. Girls constantly are. Maybe naturally women do have a higher tolerance, but in our society men develop a higher tolerance. Also, I don't think any guy is proud that it hurts more. It's just insulting for girls to believe that it hurts as much for them. It would be like a guy saying "Taking a huge dump hurts just as much for a guy as a woman giving birth". Um...no, it doesn't, and it's a bit insulting/dismissive of woman's pain.

summersong89 0

Thursday 28 May 2009 19:24

ohhh OUCH! i'm really sorry to hear that OP. One day i was volunteering at my local animal shelter when i picked up one of the cats and it all of a sudden freaked out and latched its claws into my boobs. that hurt really badly but probably not as bad as claws to the ******...