Miscellaneous: Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes,... - FML

By anonymous - 06/07/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 509

You deserved it 3 714

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Same thing different taste

Possession

By Anonymous - 10/07/2023 18:00

Today, my mom wants me to get an exorcism because piercings, tattoos, my own car, my own career, moving out of her house, and wanting zero contact with her from now on are "sure signs of demonic possession", maybe even the influence of Lucifer himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 137

"Tubular Bells" by Mike Oldfield starts playing…

By Sodapop40 - 21/06/2020 05:05

Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 128

Tubular Bells starts playing…

By so scared - 08/02/2014 17:13 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 689

You deserved it 6 206

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 06:24 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 057

You deserved it 1 927

By Colby - 15/11/2013 16:59 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 614

You deserved it 3 765

By Anonymous - 12/02/2013 23:01 - United States

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 927

You deserved it 3 037

By jkbeynon - 03/03/2013 04:18 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 811

You deserved it 3 627

By Sigh - 23/05/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 989

You deserved it 34 870

By ughh - 22/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 113

You deserved it 5 904

Burn the witch!

By fanaticalfuckspawn - 25/08/2014 20:14 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 177

You deserved it 3 167

Next

Top comments

Keyman1212 14

Wednesday 6 July 2011 18:59

Oy Vey!

kidtoronto 5

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:01

lol ur mom is legit insane

Comments

daisyloo 7

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:13

I feel sorry for you...FYL!:(

zombiebud 5

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:13

wow now that is funny

MrXerxes5 6

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:14

Is she a fucktard? Sounds like she is... try explaining to her that it's a way of life not ''spiritual'' posession.

conversechick98 2

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:15

mazl-toh!

fthku 13

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:30

*Mazal tov. How does "mazal tov" fit in here, anyway?

iSurf_fml 8

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:46

Because people who aren't Jewish know that as a Jewish word and associate it with anything of the culture because we think it's funny. Even though it must look really stupid to actual Jewish people, we find simple joy in crude humor.

fthku 13

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:54

Yeah, it seems pretty silly. *Hebrew word, not Jewish one.

iSurf_fml 8

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:39

Haha, and that just proved my logic.

ahahawut 1

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:18

look at the bright side: you're protected from demons!

1958x 6

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:21

This is kinda funny but your mom is crazy.

Mythekos 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:23

Religion = Unexplainably Dumb. -..-

AnagenisisZagus 13

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:31

Your beliefs = No one gives a shit.

Mythekos 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:38

Well it obviously bothered you enough to male you comment. If you really didn't give a shit then you wouldn't have said anything, instead of stating something obvious.

wilesmoods1 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:04

I'm with 41. Seriously, nobody cares about your lack of belief. Troll.

iSurf_fml 8

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:25

"By the power vested in me.....wait are you a Jew?"

budbad8 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:36

that was funny thanks

sourgirl101 28

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:32

It's time for a blood sacrifice.

HU4L188 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 19:35

so.. just cus ur jewish doesnt mean u cant get posessed by evil demons :)

Shadow_Phantom 26

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:00

And just because you think they're evil... doesn't mean they are.

iSurf_fml 8

Wednesday 6 July 2011 20:53

Okay....We get you're an atheist, but please don't be the know-it-all jackass kind. The majority of us who have faith in something don't need your negative ass to keep us down. Sincerely, Religion's pissed off secretary

HU4L188 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 21:12

well maybe just some are evil. but if they posess you, they most likely are

HU4L188 0

Wednesday 6 July 2011 21:13

wat r u talking about?

iSurf_fml 8

Wednesday 6 July 2011 21:42

Sorry, that was meant for 68 on 16's thread. I have no idea how it got down here.

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The Top

Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 244

Today, as a teacher, I was grading some essays when I yet again came across the word "unalive" when discussing the assassinations of JFK and Abraham Lincoln. As in, "JFK was unalived." I know language inevitably mutates over time, but us teachers don't have demonetization filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 74

The Top

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 450

You deserved it 30 914

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 441

You deserved it 4 844

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 897

You deserved it 1 238

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 288

You deserved it 6 510

Today, my aged mother continued to complain about her computer issues to me. A relative, who is good at tech support, won't bother servicing her computer because whatever she does ends up bogging it down the next day, so I have to hear about it on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 169

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 344

You deserved it 44 750