Work: Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have... - FML

By jacko - 15/08/2010 09:47 - Reserved

Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 584

You deserved it 40 574

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By ripo95 - 26/11/2008 06:18 - France

Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 781

You deserved it 46 551

By JasonX0656 - 29/01/2017 06:00 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 716

You deserved it 1 579

By Beardedlady - 27/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Madison

Today, my mom told me that I need to shave my beard because it's getting too long. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 629

You deserved it 418

By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 079

You deserved it 12 601

By dogproblems - 27/01/2015 15:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 510

You deserved it 3 560

By marisa - 05/01/2013 00:31 - Ireland - Carlow

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 243

You deserved it 4 316

By Anonymous - 08/02/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 761

You deserved it 8 989

Army dudes

By Anonymous - 02/12/2014 17:39 - United States - Glendale

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 346

You deserved it 4 216

Itchy arse

By DaggerHole - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 349

You deserved it 16 669

Back to reality

By Herbiee - 18/08/2010 12:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. Fifteen minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 486

You deserved it 13 101

Next

Top comments

mynameisal 0

Sunday 15 August 2010 16:17

ydi for having a chin

zattele 3

Sunday 15 August 2010 16:24

it will be funnier if OP is a girl

Comments

NickUSMC0311 2

Thursday 27 October 2011 12:09

Maybe you shouldn't be such a boot. Your the dumb FNG that gets us in trouble.

corleon198425 22

Sunday 13 November 2011 9:42

thank god I'm out the army

foREVerOrNever 9

Thursday 12 January 2012 0:15

One of the many reasons (if you're in America) the army sucks

hendersh 0

Saturday 18 February 2012 13:34

1000 words isn't that much...

aduro1991 4

Monday 19 March 2012 8:23

im in the army n ive gotten caught not shavin just do it

orange9494 0

Thursday 26 April 2012 1:17

And he's allowing you to Go on fml?

Redneck17 8

Monday 4 June 2012 5:48

I highly doubt he was in the Marines. You don't typically find people in the Marines gettin' off that easy.

merrielp 13

Monday 4 June 2012 5:59

For real? Not a fml it's common sense

TattedMuneca 1

Sunday 29 July 2012 6:47

Ohh sorry to hear that lol

wekelley 0

Thursday 23 August 2012 16:54

theres actually a reason you are to stay clean shaven... if you dont believe me go into the gas chamber with a beard and see just how well the gas mask seals.

12
13
14
15
16
17

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, my longtime crush, who turned me down because he’s “sick of women”, just got into a relationship. He made it Facebook official, with photos of them and everything. Wanting to even the score, I commented, “So it seems your sickness of women is cured, huh?” He bitched at me for “ruining his moment” and deleted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 1 008

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 482

You deserved it 11 506

The Top

Today, working in a liquor store, I had to tell a girl I couldn't sell her alcohol since she was severely intoxicated. She told me to "cash me ousside, how bow dat?" then smashed a bottle of wine and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 118

Today, I filed my taxes. As a divorcée with children, I was supposed to get $3,500 back from the IRS. Alas, my ex's new wife already filed with my children, who don't live with her. I now owe the IRS $250. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 996

You deserved it 4 090

Today, it’s my honeymoon. I waited patiently for a year and a half to have sex since I respected her “No sex before marriage” rule. However, my new wife has a new rule: “Sex is for procreation and I’m not ready to have children yet.” How much longer should I wait to make love to the one I love now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 340

Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 032

You deserved it 2 034

Today, after two full months of trying to gain weight, I haven’t gained a single pound. Instead, I now have severe and irreversible digestive problems from overeating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 218

Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 606

You deserved it 4 174