Health: Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants...

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By liu_kang - 16/03/2010 18:55 - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 169

You deserved it 7 713

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Same thing different taste

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 535

You deserved it 10 688

By Anonymous - 20/01/2012 23:33 - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 878

You deserved it 5 463

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 601

You deserved it 22 047

By Jac - 17/01/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, my friend decided to pants me in the middle of the mall. I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 787

You deserved it 32 834

By box bulge - 21/10/2011 01:24 - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 022

You deserved it 9 982

By pantyripper - 24/03/2014 12:39 - Australia - Essendon

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 316

You deserved it 21 680

By Anonymous - 15/05/2018 01:30

Today, I really had to pee at work and rushed to the urinal. I unzipped but couldn't find the hole in the front of my boxers and ended up pissing my pants. I had put my boxers on backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 467

You deserved it 3 720

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 15:10 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, in the middle of a presentation, I fought a shart, but the shart won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 334

You deserved it 2 857

Unexpected

By Matt988 - 22/03/2021 23:00 - India

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 285

Ripper

By Pantess at work - 30/03/2021 16:00 - United States

Today, at work, the seat of my pants ripped open. A coworker lent me a pair of his back-up jeans, and then those ripped in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 151

fml212121 0

Tuesday 16 March 2010 23:43

schlong

Fedor_fml 0

Tuesday 16 March 2010 23:46

Fatality!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments

aardvarkish 16

Wednesday 17 March 2010 1:17

the term 'shredded beef' comes to mind, no?

suicidalbutterfl 3

Wednesday 17 March 2010 1:43

lol wow just wow ^^win

doriangray2 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 1:22

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!damn that sucks

phishophobia 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 1:26

that is a beautiful analogy

imakeubleed 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 1:28

get a hobby.

brucesgirl 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 1:39

epic fail!

Bboy_DiSpirit 21

Wednesday 17 March 2010 1:42

dont you you guys wear underwear or something???

dphilipson12 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 2:02

next time wear undies dumb shit

firesparkz 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 2:10

schlong??

clintcarlton_fml 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 2:15

sucks to be you

paperisuseful 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 2:17

you rock at metaphors.

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The Top

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he replied was, "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 477

You deserved it 6 886

Today, my mother had "The talk" with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 369

You deserved it 2 289

The Top

Today, I tried to sneak out of a family gathering without anyone noticing. As I tiptoed toward the door, I stepped on my aunt's prized chihuahua's squeaky toy. The entire house went silent as it squeaked at quite the volume, and everyone turned to stare at me. My "escape" turned into the most dramatic exit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 227

Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 472

You deserved it 4 790

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 967

You deserved it 41 471

Today, a stranger yelled, "Non-believers shouldn't wear these!" He then took my rosary and ran off. It belonged to my dead brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 434

You deserved it 326

Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 715

You deserved it 3 940

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 363

You deserved it 3 362

Same thing different taste

Unexpected

Ripper

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