Intimacy: Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 13/01/2014 19:48 - United States - Maryville

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 975

You deserved it 12 706

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 721

You deserved it 19 205

By Fatality - 28/10/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 956

You deserved it 30 919

A quiet place, please

By Anonymous - 12/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 437

I guess that's a "NO!" then?

By Anonymous - 01/09/2024 16:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I thought it would be romantic to propose to my girlfriend during halftime at a local football game. I arranged everything with the stadium staff. When the moment came, I got down on one knee, only for her to hiss, "Are you serious? Right here?" She ran off, leaving me kneeling in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 868

By kinlin - 02/06/2018 19:00

Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 106

You deserved it 939

Watch your step

By the guy that didn't get his kiss - 25/06/2021 16:01

Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 153

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 204

You deserved it 9 770

By gutted - 07/05/2012 02:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 968

You deserved it 2 889

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 05:38 - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 474

You deserved it 6 099

Help!

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 11:25 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 985

You deserved it 6 443

EvilLittleMan 23

Tuesday 14 January 2014 0:40

OP, I think your wife has benched you.

Pleonasm 35

Tuesday 14 January 2014 0:41

Look, it's not about how well you score, it's about how much of a team player you are.

Comments

awilliams44 9

Tuesday 14 January 2014 6:37

touch down

IanDeAwesome 5

Tuesday 14 January 2014 6:45

Football has that effect

ashjo 12

Tuesday 14 January 2014 7:20

lmfao I wish I could've seen your reaction

theangrypeach 6

Tuesday 14 January 2014 7:27

Time to watch football to spark that intimacy in the sack! lol

Bunny21 11

Tuesday 14 January 2014 7:47

Don't worry op. I wish my bf would even think about making me scream like that. **** our lives. It shall get better op!

itooamscrewed 10

Tuesday 14 January 2014 13:35

Which requires effort that you're not willing to put in... Tsk tsk

siggy_mcsigx 22

Tuesday 14 January 2014 14:50

Why can't you??

Highroller42 2

Tuesday 14 January 2014 16:28

You gave up on having passion in your life when you decided to marry the fat ho

jleo722 7

Tuesday 14 January 2014 16:57

Have you tried anal? That will make here scream something.

CrazyMelvin 14

Tuesday 14 January 2014 17:07

Have sex while watching football

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Kids Babysitter Technology Dating Embarrassing Geek Poopoo peepee Family Annoying Work Proposal Awkward Health Autism Food Jealousy Animals Scary Gross Insomnia Relationship advice Miscellaneous Neighbours Friends Bodyshaming Intimacy Sex Money Parents

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how two girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend said, "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he'd just said, he hesitantly added, "…if I was single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 681

You deserved it 496

Today, I found out why I’ve been covering most of the bills and the rent. Turns out my boyfriend is paying a very expensive OnlyFans subscription for his female bestie. When I confronted him about it, he responded by yelling, “It’s not like that!” and punched our glass patio door, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 653

You deserved it 252

The Top

Today, I found books on the Catholicism in my son's room. Switching faiths can be a big deal, so I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Turns out he was just doing research to aid his goal of seducing and screwing the hot Catholic girl in his university class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 407

Today, one of my managers explained to me, very slowly and loudly, what a pallet jack is for. I've been at the warehouse for 6 months now and was actively using a pallet jack at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 106

Today, my car broke down. Yesterday, my husband mentioned he found my dream car for sale, but I'd insisted my car had a lot of miles left and we should save money. They sold my dream car this morning. Now I'm carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 360

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 028

You deserved it 3 970

Today, while driving on the tollway my car overheated and died a few yards from the toll booth. I then had to wait, crying, in my smoking car for a patrol guy while cars moved around me. He had to push me through the toll and the lady in the booth said she felt sorry for me but still took my $3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 468

You deserved it 5 142

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 923

You deserved it 33 941