Intimacy: Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond... - FML

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Spicy

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 899

You deserved it 9 552

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Same thing different taste

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 763

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 833

You deserved it 5 009

TMI, DUDE!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 1 273

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Spicy

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 509

You deserved it 525

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Spicy

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 881

You deserved it 20 825

Karma police

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, six months after my wife convinced me to open our relationship, I finally scored with a lovely lady. My wife threw the biggest fit in history. Apparently, she just wanted to fuck other men and didn't think anyone would be interested in me, and now she feels inadequate and threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 349

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 284

You deserved it 4 944

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 945

You deserved it 68 198

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Spicy

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 565

You deserved it 6 960

Next

Top comments

A1BROS 4

Monday 23 June 2014 1:50

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

itwasthedognotme 14

Monday 23 June 2014 1:49

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

Comments

Ben009 13

Monday 23 June 2014 21:41

Lmfao. Maybe it's for her girlfriend

gabagabaheyu 10

Monday 23 June 2014 22:30

don't be scared ;)

KawaiiSushii 8

Monday 23 June 2014 22:48

Convince her to use it on herself and you'll watch. Problem solved.(:

nlow79 3

Monday 23 June 2014 23:20

odds are you'll like it

redstone7693 29

Tuesday 24 June 2014 0:00

I know I am going to be the annoying guy here, but what is a strap-on?

Gabilliam 19

Tuesday 24 June 2014 1:26

a wearable ***** basically

walkernite 12

Tuesday 24 June 2014 1:28

I'm fifty miles beyond turned on.

GentlemanBastard 15

Tuesday 24 June 2014 2:58

Haha "possibly ******". I see what you did there

metalhead88 9

Tuesday 24 June 2014 3:28

Keep your butthole tight bud

ostfaiz 18

Tuesday 24 June 2014 4:35

time to face it, stop running, bettr b preapred aftrall she s ur wife, she s not gona spare u...lol..n dont forget ur post using experience Op..Rofl ;-)

spike7447 13

Tuesday 24 June 2014 4:47

It's called "pegging", and as funny as it sounds... It's not funny at all when someone propositions you for it. :|

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The Top

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 405

You deserved it 4 186

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, with whom I've been with for four years. I've been in Australia for the last two months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 966

You deserved it 262

The Top

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents' house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Caribbean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 062

You deserved it 2 932

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 622

You deserved it 2 549

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 036

You deserved it 46 441

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to weekly talks about anything that is bothering us, since we’ve been arguing a lot lately. So far, every talk has been her moaning at me about how I annoy her, yet when I try to have my say, she interrupts or yells at me for blaming her for our problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 182

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 926

You deserved it 1 647

Today, I got yelled at for calling in sick to work. My boss said, "I still came to work when I had pneumonia. You'll live." Uh… that's not impressive or motivating at all. That's downright stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 102