Intimacy: Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond... - FML

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Spicy

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 899

You deserved it 9 552

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Same thing different taste

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 763

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 833

You deserved it 5 009

TMI, DUDE!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 1 273

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Spicy

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 509

You deserved it 525

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Spicy

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 881

You deserved it 20 825

Karma police

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, six months after my wife convinced me to open our relationship, I finally scored with a lovely lady. My wife threw the biggest fit in history. Apparently, she just wanted to fuck other men and didn't think anyone would be interested in me, and now she feels inadequate and threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 868

You deserved it 349

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 284

You deserved it 4 944

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 945

You deserved it 68 198

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Spicy

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 565

You deserved it 6 960

Next

Top comments

A1BROS 4

Monday 23 June 2014 1:50

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

itwasthedognotme 14

Monday 23 June 2014 1:49

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

Comments

24_7princess 7

Tuesday 24 June 2014 5:14

Relax, it probably isn't even for you.

jetsfan204 4

Tuesday 24 June 2014 5:17

Turn off the a/c so you don't have shrinkage and maybe you won't have to wear something to fill her gap up

elanjion 2

Tuesday 24 June 2014 5:27

PREPARE YOUR ANUS!

ReannaRevolution 1

Tuesday 24 June 2014 5:32

Ya' sure you're not Fifty Shades of Terrified? bun-um tsssst.

Loboman 6

Tuesday 24 June 2014 5:39

LMAO! Too funny!

TPrice21 2

Tuesday 24 June 2014 6:21

Just the tip?

HoneyGinger 7

Tuesday 24 June 2014 8:00

Very kinky! Lol.

silverstream20 20

Tuesday 24 June 2014 10:35

This made me think of a Peanut joke from Jeff Dunham "Don't turn your back on him, unless you have the lotion" But in OP's case it's his wife so rather don't turn your back on HER.

snippit 18

Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:57

Follow up please op!

glengus 17

Tuesday 24 June 2014 16:24

Apparently it only hurts the first few times

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The Top

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 831

You deserved it 3 129

Today, it was my two year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 167

You deserved it 4 703

The Top

Today, my alarm clock consisted of my children stomping on my manhood while dumping Froot Loops on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 226

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 3 906

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 30

Today, I was following my friend to her house in my car, because I didn't know where it was. I'd been following her for at least an hour when she pulled into a gas station. Turns out I'd been following the wrong car. I have no idea where I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 824

You deserved it 10 661

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 583

You deserved it 2 848

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus's new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 467

You deserved it 22 953