Intimacy: Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond...

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 890

You deserved it 9 548

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Same thing different taste

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 737

You deserved it 761

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 823

You deserved it 5 006

TMI, DUDE!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 10:00

Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 1 266

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 503

You deserved it 520

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 293

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 879

You deserved it 20 819

Karma police

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 22:00

Today, six months after my wife convinced me to open our relationship, I finally scored with a lovely lady. My wife threw the biggest fit in history. Apparently, she just wanted to fuck other men and didn't think anyone would be interested in me, and now she feels inadequate and threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 345

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 275

You deserved it 4 944

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 923

You deserved it 68 184

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 561

You deserved it 6 958

A1BROS 4

Monday 23 June 2014 1:50

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

itwasthedognotme 14

Monday 23 June 2014 1:49

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

Comments

Wakachulak 22

Monday 23 June 2014 11:04

If your wife can actually pin you down and have her way with you, you were ****** a long, long time ago.

missyfiona89 28

Monday 23 June 2014 11:25

what. you can **** her but she can't **** you?

pipipiyo 12

Monday 23 June 2014 12:18

all these puns xD Stay safe OP

LazyCollegeDude 8

Monday 23 June 2014 12:46

seeing you are from Portugal, you were already f*cked by Germany in the World Cup

renjisgirl12 22

Monday 23 June 2014 12:55

Kinky ;)

orientalwhisker 6

Monday 23 June 2014 13:00

Might I recommend an ANALgesic?

HiddeB 13

Monday 23 June 2014 13:02

quid pro qou

Tannasgh 22

Monday 23 June 2014 13:41

Perhaps she is planning on inviting a female friend to join you

mattrd_fml 31

Monday 23 June 2014 13:50

Get lots of lube and take it like a man, once the initial pain subsides you'll be amazed at how good it actually feels.

Merridew 8

Monday 23 June 2014 14:03

Don't worry. It only hurts at first but then you will like it, I promise!

Keywords

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The Top

Hi gang! My name is Julien and I’m very happy to be with you for this week’s brand new illustrated FML. I’m so happy, I feel like rolling about like a turtle. This week, we’re trying something different. As you may know, FML was originally ...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, my gay best friend slept over, as he has many times during the past three years of our friendship. This time, however, he confessed to me that he's only pretended to be gay to get closer to me because he's in love with me. I've allowed my stalker to sleep in my house and in my bed for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 600

You deserved it 1 542

The Top

Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 185

Today, at Burger King, I was coming back from break. A customer screamed at me because she ordered a double cheeseburger without pickles, and they were put on anyway. She threw it in my face. My face was covered in ketchup mustard and pickle. Did I mention I was on a break and had nothing to do with this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 108

Today, my boss's son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 701

You deserved it 3 033

Today, I had to study for an important test but I could barely focus because my roommate had his music blasting at full volume. Since we get along well, I decided to put up with it. I just found out he forgot to turn it off and left over 6 hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 886

You deserved it 12 932

Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 116

You deserved it 4 772

Today, I was on the phone with an Apple advisor, who helped me back up data to my computer using remote assistance. As we did, every file transferred showed up with a real-time preview. All of a sudden, the nude selfies I forgot about rolled in. He immediately shouted, “OH WOW.” It wasn’t a good “wow” either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 1 045