Intimacy: Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond...

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By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 907

You deserved it 9 557

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From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 749

You deserved it 768

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 845

You deserved it 5 010

TMI, DUDE!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 10:00

Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 1 278

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 522

You deserved it 532

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 14:01

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 170

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 884

You deserved it 20 832

Karma police

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 22:00

Today, six months after my wife convinced me to open our relationship, I finally scored with a lovely lady. My wife threw the biggest fit in history. Apparently, she just wanted to fuck other men and didn't think anyone would be interested in me, and now she feels inadequate and threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 361

By jigglypluff - 19/11/2014 05:27 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 296

You deserved it 4 946

By Picaresque - 26/02/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285 970

You deserved it 68 210

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 572

You deserved it 6 960

A1BROS 4

Monday 23 June 2014 1:50

Sounds like a real pain in the ass.

itwasthedognotme 14

Monday 23 June 2014 1:49

Time to strap-on your seatbelt and drive far, far away..

Comments

Wakachulak 22

Monday 23 June 2014 11:04

If your wife can actually pin you down and have her way with you, you were ****** a long, long time ago.

missyfiona89 28

Monday 23 June 2014 11:25

what. you can **** her but she can't **** you?

pipipiyo 12

Monday 23 June 2014 12:18

all these puns xD Stay safe OP

LazyCollegeDude 8

Monday 23 June 2014 12:46

seeing you are from Portugal, you were already f*cked by Germany in the World Cup

renjisgirl12 22

Monday 23 June 2014 12:55

Kinky ;)

orientalwhisker 6

Monday 23 June 2014 13:00

Might I recommend an ANALgesic?

HiddeB 13

Monday 23 June 2014 13:02

quid pro qou

Tannasgh 22

Monday 23 June 2014 13:41

Perhaps she is planning on inviting a female friend to join you

mattrd_fml 31

Monday 23 June 2014 13:50

Get lots of lube and take it like a man, once the initial pain subsides you'll be amazed at how good it actually feels.

Merridew 8

Monday 23 June 2014 14:03

Don't worry. It only hurts at first but then you will like it, I promise!

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 875

You deserved it 4 319

Today, I finally got a raise after years of hard work! Excited, I went on a shopping spree, but as I checked the latest prices, it turns out that my extra income barely covers the increase in my grocery bill. Thanks, inflation. FML

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You deserved it 108

The Top

Today, I met separately with the President and Chairman of the company regarding a product that I'm designing. Each ordered me to do the opposite of whatever the other instructed. FML

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You deserved it 2 390

Today, if I'd known a few days ago when I agreed to help a friend film that it was going to be located so far away and cost so much to get there, I would have said no straight away. I won't even be reimbursed for my efforts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 220

Today, my son asked me for advice over his girlfriend not "respecting" his pathetic need for near-constant sex. I got so bored listening to the misogynistic horseshit spewing out of his mouth that I totally zoned out. I came to as he started hurling abuse at me for not siding with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 096

You deserved it 10 783

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 356

You deserved it 34 744

Today, I went to see a movie. While buying tickets, the girl behind the counter asked to show my ID card to proof I'm at least 16 years old. Not wanting to make a drama, I showed it. She took a look at it and declared it as fake. That ID is real and I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 039

You deserved it 3 342

Today, I found out that I mean nothing to the man I have loved for over a year. He has been taking vacations with another woman, and is in fact, on a vacation with her right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 261