Intimacy: Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night...

By Barrel - 05/02/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 794

You deserved it 9 051

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Same thing different taste

Permission granted and rejected

By Anonymous - 28/09/2023 04:00

Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 122

Busted

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 23:41 - France

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 902

You deserved it 2 850

By an unlucky man - 05/08/2016 09:37 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 015

You deserved it 3 107

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 01:00

Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 616

You deserved it 770

Last trip

By cap - 09/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 252

You deserved it 322

Definitely maybe

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 00:00

Today, my marriage is more or less over, as my wife is so career-obsessed that when I asked if we could spend some time together, she rolled her eyes and gave me permission to sleep with other women, since sex is all I think about. I didn’t ask for sex, just time together. Definitely over I think. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 875

You deserved it 186

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 140

By TheLoneSoul - 13/09/2015 14:22 - France

Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 149

You deserved it 1 617

There must be other reasons

By Anonymous - 12/05/2022 00:01

Today, my wife is leaving me because I don’t satisfy her sexually. Chance would be a fine thing, every time I get romantic, all I get is, "I have a headache", "I think my period's coming", “Is sex all you think about?”, “What if the neighbours hear us?”, and my all time favourite, “Ew, not a chance.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 272

You deserved it 303

Pleased to see you too

By Anonymous - 13/05/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my wife, who I haven’t seen for over a month because we both travel a lot for work, got home. The last thing she said to me was that she couldn't wait to get home because she just wants some alone time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 232

pezzlo 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 0:45

Sorry, Rob. Alex

Dr_Phil 0

Thursday 5 February 2009 13:11

No sex in two years ... and you're still married, why?

Comments

HeyThereGorgeous 0

Friday 10 July 2009 18:53

Maybe she didn't want to have sex with rob. 

scott_m319 0

Thursday 8 October 2009 2:46

Wife or girlfriend? Are you serious? "Wife" is the third word in the FML. Take a guess.

LaughAtLaugh 7

Monday 9 November 2009 22:36

omg, give your wife a fricking ******, and this would not happen!

jbomber95 4

Monday 1 March 2010 5:45

I would go to her work take ur home **** her really good then repeat the voicemail then **** her harder n faster as u get angrier

RedJester23 6

Tuesday 16 March 2010 6:00

HAHAHAHA. ^^WIN^^

amazinggbaby 2

Monday 22 March 2010 0:08

this^

kekelala3 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 3:32

Who has a wife and doesn't have sex with her for 2 years?

Sigel 0

Wednesday 20 October 2010 15:36

Maybe she wasn't ahving sex with him? This happens all the time. It's why men are such "cheaters". Their wives deny them sex.

ryguy997 0

Monday 12 April 2010 3:34

there is a guy whose full name is Bubba Bubba Bubba.

dirtycup66 0

Wednesday 12 May 2010 2:00

lol

ZleveL 0

Saturday 5 June 2010 8:58

haha

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The Top

Today, I found out my husband of four years has been cheating on me with his boss, who had been kind and treated me well. I never suspected it until I caught them in OUR bed. All he would ever do was come home and complain about how hard his job was. I guess that wasn't the only thing that was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 172

Today, I was at a party, and heard a mutual acquaintance had been arrested. I asked what for, and was told "Cheese pizza." I yelled in confusion and outrage, since I thought they were joking. I was told later in private what "Cheese pizza" meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 142

The Top

Today, my boyfriend of four years, who has never been anything but loving and supportive, told me after I made a joke that there has been “a change” in how he deals with people, that he has been “purging,” and that I could be next because he “has needs too.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 269

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 932

You deserved it 3 040

Today, I had two of my wisdom teeth removed. One side of my face is completely swollen, and the other is normal. I feel like the elephant man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 886

You deserved it 4 230

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 237

You deserved it 2 210

Today, while working at Home Depot, I was asked to cut some wire. When I asked her how much, she said, "From my computer to the wall". After explaining for a while that I didn't know how far that is, she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 939

You deserved it 3 418

Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 459

You deserved it 5 728