Intimacy: Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated...

By pervert - 09/01/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 538

You deserved it 28 764

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Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 18:30 - India - Bengaluru

Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 374

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 426

You deserved it 7 454

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 214

You deserved it 39 614

By lindsaykay - 18/04/2012 00:07 - United States

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 168

You deserved it 4 122

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 755

You deserved it 57 265

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 472

You deserved it 8 079

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 766

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 296

You deserved it 5 777

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 770

You deserved it 5 871

By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 368

You deserved it 13 428

playnejayne 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:30

that is really creepy. fyl.

Lord_Stubby 2

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:43

....over Dora the Explorer or was it just on?! Either way, ew.

Comments

RebeccaWvvv 0

Thursday 18 February 2010 8:03

Haha that's some funny shit. Way to be man, way to be!

kid_skullomania 0

Tuesday 9 March 2010 23:07

wow.... that is slummin' at it's finest.

maiazwolf 5

Wednesday 5 May 2010 13:58

****** perv

lalalalovely0034 0

Tuesday 22 June 2010 3:32

umm grody much? some information is meant to keep to yourself..

02tobey 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 8:56

105 win

jordanka 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 10:23

haha pedophile! has anyone noticed they gave her boobs. next she's gonna be asking if kids can find her tampons condoms and vibrator in her backpack!

breenarae25 0

Thursday 30 September 2010 6:30

......

looking_4_someth 0

Saturday 30 April 2011 21:40

WHY?!?!?

chahacha599 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 0:23

uhh

elliegurl11 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:56

Oh my...

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Today, my boyfriend showed me how he gives himself a semi-erection before he goes into the men's showers after training so his penis will look bigger in front of all the guys. I find it worrying that he won't have sex with me, but has no problem walking around in front of men naked with a semi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 456

You deserved it 4 703

Today, I went over to my mom’s place to attempt to help her clean up, as she’s a hoarder. I was devastated to see that in order to make room for all the unnecessary new crap she buys, she stored all of our childhood toys, photos and the like outside in uncovered bins. It’s all completely ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 125

The Top

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 694

You deserved it 65 222

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouted, "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 389

You deserved it 3 854

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 930

You deserved it 6 388

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 002

You deserved it 479

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game, and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said, "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 176

You deserved it 4 003

Today, my mom was taking an online IQ test. To the question "On which continent is Canada located?" she responded "Antarctica." If intelligence is genetic, I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 514

You deserved it 3 703

Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

Caught in the act

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