Intimacy: Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated...

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By pervert - 09/01/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 542

You deserved it 28 776

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Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 18:30 - India - Bengaluru

Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 385

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 445

You deserved it 7 461

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 220

You deserved it 39 626

By lindsaykay - 18/04/2012 00:07 - United States

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 185

You deserved it 4 126

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 786

You deserved it 57 307

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 492

You deserved it 8 081

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 789

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 311

You deserved it 5 780

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 792

You deserved it 5 877

By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 392

You deserved it 13 444

playnejayne 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:30

that is really creepy. fyl.

Lord_Stubby 2

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:43

....over Dora the Explorer or was it just on?! Either way, ew.

Comments

RebeccaWvvv 0

Thursday 18 February 2010 8:03

Haha that's some funny shit. Way to be man, way to be!

kid_skullomania 0

Tuesday 9 March 2010 23:07

wow.... that is slummin' at it's finest.

maiazwolf 5

Wednesday 5 May 2010 13:58

****** perv

lalalalovely0034 0

Tuesday 22 June 2010 3:32

umm grody much? some information is meant to keep to yourself..

02tobey 0

Tuesday 13 July 2010 8:56

105 win

jordanka 0

Tuesday 27 July 2010 10:23

haha pedophile! has anyone noticed they gave her boobs. next she's gonna be asking if kids can find her tampons condoms and vibrator in her backpack!

breenarae25 0

Thursday 30 September 2010 6:30

......

looking_4_someth 0

Saturday 30 April 2011 21:40

WHY?!?!?

chahacha599 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 0:23

uhh

elliegurl11 0

Wednesday 10 August 2011 18:56

Oh my...

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Today, our 6-month-old is finally sleeping through the night. We thought we'd finally get a good night sleep ourselves, until my dumb husband fell asleep with the TV on and our 5-year-old ended up watching Saw 3 by herself. Now the 5-year-old wakes up with nightmares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 232

You deserved it 617

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 839

You deserved it 4 872

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You deserved it 212

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You deserved it 639

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I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 189

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You deserved it 2 934

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I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 7 148

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 763

You deserved it 6 837

Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

Caught in the act

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