Intimacy: Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated...

By pervert - 09/01/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 538

You deserved it 28 764

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Can't catch a break

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 18:30 - India - Bengaluru

Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 374

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 426

You deserved it 7 454

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 214

You deserved it 39 614

By lindsaykay - 18/04/2012 00:07 - United States

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 168

You deserved it 4 123

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 755

You deserved it 57 265

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 473

You deserved it 8 079

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 766

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 296

You deserved it 5 777

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 770

You deserved it 5 871

By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 368

You deserved it 13 428

playnejayne 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:30

that is really creepy. fyl.

Lord_Stubby 2

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:43

....over Dora the Explorer or was it just on?! Either way, ew.

Comments

monkeyhead641 6

Thursday 12 April 2012 2:14

Your disgusting

SmileyLexie123 0

Sunday 10 June 2012 2:01

Why do you ********** if you have your wife.. FYL

mrbobmarley4 8

Wednesday 22 August 2012 2:17

Kill yourself.

lilmillion22 5

Wednesday 29 August 2012 19:22

I guess Dora is exploring more than I thought these days.

Kiyaralovestolol 14

Friday 2 November 2012 11:05

To OP your name is correct! Shame!

godbieveryone 9

Tuesday 25 December 2012 15:44

Dora's not even hot mayne! She's wearing a belly shirt at like six years old! Setting the bar pretty low my friend.

InnocentWings 13

Tuesday 13 August 2013 11:52

creepy....

coolbeansbruh 13

Thursday 12 February 2015 23:05

Eewww you're sick!!!! Gross!!!!

dreadlocmask 15

Thursday 14 May 2015 17:12

Or get some psychological help

rattyrayvn 21

Wednesday 10 February 2016 1:15

Wanker no wanking!

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The Top

Today, my male model boyfriend admitted to me that he has developed an eating disorder because of his career. He also told me we couldn't have sex anymore, because he might somehow absorb the food I eat, from my body, through intercourse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 296

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend, and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 745

You deserved it 61 385

The Top

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yells at my dad for watching porn. My dad responds, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I have shown you!" He is also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 184

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by, she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs, and said, "Make them fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 936

You deserved it 4 360

Today, I opened up to my parents about my depression. Their response was to have a very heated discussion about whose fault it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 996

You deserved it 3 533

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 862

You deserved it 2 388

Today, after getting off the phone with a client, I got horny so I put on some porn and cranked one out. After I'd finished, I realized I hadn't ended the call and neither had my client. They heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 2 043

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 852

You deserved it 30 801

Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

Caught in the act

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