Animals: Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise... - FML

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 5 275

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Same thing different taste

Part of the furniture

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 832

You deserved it 1 374

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 927

You deserved it 4 622

By cdn_steed - 23/04/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 972

You deserved it 4 661

By ouchh - 11/09/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 942

You deserved it 7 327

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 514

You deserved it 28 636

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 625

You deserved it 1 064

Body modification

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 14:00

Today, I got a nipple piercing. My girlfriend thought I was pranking her with a fake piercing, because I wouldn’t be "daft enough" to get a real one, and she yanked it off, or rather through, my nipple. Yes, it cut my poor nip in half, and I now have two nipples where once I had only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 360

By ihatecats - 01/12/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 176

You deserved it 16 610

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 144

You deserved it 482

Cat mojo

By Oww - 09/08/2022 00:00

Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 166

Next

Top comments

chazzlerazzle 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 1:42

at least it was free a lot of people have to pay a lot for one of those

afdude87 6

Saturday 15 January 2011 1:48

yes yes, because cats are no match for a mighty t shirt.

Comments

gomerturd 1

Saturday 15 January 2011 2:06

can my girlfriend play with your cat too lol

Zodiak213 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 2:09

Why were you topless playing with the cat? That's just a flat out bad idea.

bleaker95 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 7:36

you never know!:p

mea_iloveskiing 26

Saturday 15 January 2011 2:09

at least you won't get AIDS =)

furburger 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 2:10

And here you thought she worked by appointment only...

xShannonxSammyx 7

Saturday 15 January 2011 2:28

Omnomnom.

IneffableLullaby 13

Saturday 15 January 2011 2:30

Are you just pissed that the cat didn't also supply the rings for your new nipple-piercings?

DU0 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 2:34

DAMN NATURE! YOU SCARY!

Tayzz123 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 2:54

Score for the cat I guess

samanthadaisy21 2

Saturday 15 January 2011 2:56

why did you not have a shirt on while playing with your cat in the first place??

sikkar 0

Saturday 15 January 2011 3:05

You play naked with your pussy ?

SirEBC 7

Saturday 15 January 2011 3:25

HURR-DURR "pussy," I get it! That's so funny! I wish I would have made a correlation between 'cat' and 'pussy' and then thought of a clever comment to post. -_- Dude, it's old.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Awkward Management Work Poopoo peepee Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Love Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy Confused AITA Parents

The Top

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 710

You deserved it 5 223

Today, I realized just how bitchy my BFF really is. When my sister said hi to her, she just glared back. She refers to a trans woman as "it" and not her correct pronouns. She just sucks the fun out of everything and makes me feel alone and stuck. I can't abandon her though because we're both each other's only friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 1 115

The Top

Today, I went to the dentist to get a filling. Instead of giving me Novocaine, my dentist decided he was going to use a special new paste on me while he drilled. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 957

You deserved it 3 178

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 877

You deserved it 3 454

Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's place. I guess I didn't clean up properly, because she found some hair and insisted someone must have broken in while we were out and used the shower. I had to play along to spare myself embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 599

You deserved it 7 243

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 314

You deserved it 29 622

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 276

You deserved it 77 687

Today, our 9-year-old daughter was removed from our home and placed into a home for children too violent to function in a family setting. I can't stop crying but my wife hasn't been this happy in years. She was actually smiling as our daughter was restrained and forced out the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 044

You deserved it 380