Work: Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided...

By corn - 03/06/2011 01:44 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 293

You deserved it 3 297

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Same thing different taste

By heyyoitsapotato - 31/05/2013 02:35 - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 136

You deserved it 3 300

Cute

By benjo - 06/08/2013 18:07 - United States

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 056

You deserved it 4 844

Let it all out

By HateCelebz - 26/08/2023 00:02

Today, I went for a swim in the sea. It was early and I was the only one in the water. i swam out far, then my tummy rumbled big time. Next thing I knew, I'd shat my shorts. It went everywhere. I had to scoop the poop out with my hand and wash it off whilst swimming back to shore. I had to shower afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 214

By donezo - 26/06/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 416

You deserved it 3 743

By Anonymous - 25/03/2014 21:53 - United States - Springboro

Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 517

You deserved it 3 845

By Vitani_Verci - 15/01/2016 06:57

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 965

You deserved it 1 780

By lifesucks0925 - 06/09/2013 07:01 - United States - Vallejo

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 787

You deserved it 2 816

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 609

You deserved it 3 176

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 02:00

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 146

Surprise!

By ilana - 10/02/2012 09:51 - United States

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 427

You deserved it 3 346

frozenfreeze 5

Friday 3 June 2011 8:51

That was a corny joke...

bigred7070 0

Friday 3 June 2011 8:31

how did you know it was "sweet" corn. lol

Comments

tkdgold03 5

Friday 3 June 2011 8:53

all I could think to say is ew.. :/

thatnucca 36

Friday 3 June 2011 8:55

At least you got to practice corn identification above sea level...

JumbledGirl 2

Friday 3 June 2011 9:03

okay... that really sucks. how did it smell?

pan1cked 0

Friday 3 June 2011 9:07

I really hope I don't see any of those "shitty situation" comments on this one.

javmuniz87 0

Friday 3 June 2011 11:04

:facepalm:

racheljessie 17

Friday 3 June 2011 9:12

Crappy day at work, huh?

PSQ91 6

Friday 3 June 2011 9:55

You win ^^

twinklestars7216 0

Friday 3 June 2011 9:36

well if its your job...

Insomniaddict 0

Friday 3 June 2011 9:41

Lol @ 40-41

racheljessie 17

Friday 3 June 2011 10:19

Aw, thanks! I was #41, by the way!

sheethapins 13

Friday 3 June 2011 10:05

What would Pam Anderson do? Shake her hair in all the poo!

phatdaddy62 23

Friday 3 June 2011 10:07

No, she'd suck Timmy Lee's telephone pole!

phatdaddy62 23

Friday 3 June 2011 10:09

*Tommy

bignasty29 0

Friday 3 June 2011 10:14

Ummmmm......how did u Know It was Sweet?

r14_fml 8

Friday 3 June 2011 11:19

actually in england we call 'corn' sweetcorn.

mrshatch21 0

Friday 3 June 2011 11:05

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 331

You deserved it 41 020

Today, my boss is going nuts after some coworkers quit, as they were some of the lucky few with enough cash to move away ahead of whatever dumbass plan the next administration has for their immigrant families and friends. My boss is complaining he can't afford to pay "normal people wages" and wants me to work overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 172

The Top

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 799

You deserved it 6 775

Today, I was at work, and some people came in looking for a particular couch. After looking for over an hour on the wholesalers website my boss walks over, makes me take my lunch break and then calls over the couple and takes all the credit for the sale. We work on commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 702

You deserved it 3 138

Today, the passport office informed me I won't get my passport in time to go on holidays. However, they took the money for the passport out of my account 2 months ago, causing me to go overdrawn, and not pay my travel insurance. The same insurance I needed to get the cost of the holiday back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 726

You deserved it 4 910

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 653

You deserved it 9 725

Today, while out with my family, I happened to run into "the one who got away." She smilingly introduced herself to my wife, who definitely noticed that she and our daughter share the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 596

You deserved it 8 068

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 709

You deserved it 357

Same thing different taste

Cute

Let it all out

Surprise!

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