Sex, Food and Intimacy: Turned on

Turned on

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 10:57 - Denmark

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 456

You deserved it 14 930

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Same thing different taste

Hidden secret

By anonymous - 01/10/2016 09:00 - Australia - Tennyson

Today, I was with my boyfriend. He got up, shut the blinds and turned around to say, "I don't usually shut the blinds, but no one can see this." Assuming we were going to have sex, I took my pants off. He asked me what I was doing, then sat down to eat an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 297

You deserved it 2 147

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 038

You deserved it 5 520

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 335

You deserved it 19 977

By anonymaiacciu - 22/12/2012 01:16 - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 802

You deserved it 8 964

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 026

You deserved it 4 681

Priority number one

By soooyeah - 30/04/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 001

You deserved it 18 545

That was quick

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 12:03 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 565

You deserved it 6 832

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 882

You deserved it 11 308

By weirdlove - 23/01/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 625

You deserved it 7 998

By Anonymous - 12/02/2012 04:52 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 217

You deserved it 8 488

mrnicety 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 17:04

That's just daft, happens to guys whether they are in the mood or not when they wake up. Stop being so whiny

Saluton 18

Saturday 4 April 2009 17:05

uh... it's called morning wood and it doesn't work for sex. Sorry.

Comments

wholeon 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 21:35

Morning wood or no morning wood, I almost always wake up hungry. When my SOs try for morning sex, it just pisses me off. The first bad thing is the "waking up" part. I'm sorry, but seven in the morning is for SLEEPING. We can **** later. The second bad thing is that I'm hungry, and I need energy from food to have sex anyway. They have learned not to disturb me when I'm sleeping. ;)

Atashi_fml 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 21:57

Just like how if you have erect nipples, it doesn't mean you wanna ****.

Sammara 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 22:04

He wasn't hard for ice cream. When guys sleep, most of them get hard. It's just biology, not eroticism.

JVonDahl 9

Saturday 4 April 2009 22:14

It was probably a NARFAS. (No apparent reason for a stiffy) He probably wasn't even thinking anything dirty. Ever heard of morning wood? Happens to guys a lot. Doesn't mean shit. They could have been dreaming about their grandma, still happens. Blame biology, not the icecream.

Tsukasa_fml 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 22:46

I dunno. Sure it was probably morning wood, but he still should have taken the hint.

Victoria2103 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 22:49

So... you wake your guy up from a nice sleep because you're horny and then... he's selfish for not wanting to have sex? Definitely not an FML. Be more considerate next time. :P