Work, Smoking, Accident, Awkward and Cigarettes: Up in smoke - FML

Up in smoke

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 808

You deserved it 46 706

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Top comments

muFilter 19

Friday 15 February 2013 10:51

Ah, the one smoking hazard the Surgeon General didn't warn you about. That's how they get ya...

andyyroxx 20

Friday 15 February 2013 10:47

Apply cold water to the - Hey where's half of your beard?

Comments

tazz602 5

Friday 15 February 2013 20:29

stop smoking

HarroIAmBob 21

Friday 15 February 2013 20:33

smoking is bad, mkay

tildoorf84 7

Friday 15 February 2013 20:48

time to quit smoking, smoking is dumb and has no benefits. i dont care what excuse you have or how you try to justify it, you're dumb

pandapoof42 3

Friday 15 February 2013 20:52

you got FIRED?! lol get it?? no? just me then okay...

KayleeT 9

Friday 15 February 2013 20:56

Using a lighter while driving probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, anyhow. Couldn't you just have waited till you got there? Or pull over at a restaurant or something? I know that may sound over careful, but at least you're not frying your facial hair off .

dwc2134 5

Friday 15 February 2013 21:06

You. You sound like a reasonable human being. I like you.

Geary519 20

Friday 15 February 2013 22:26

thats a sign you should quit smoking

KiddNYC1O 20

Friday 15 February 2013 22:29

That's some grimmy ass shit.

IscoreOnU 19

Friday 15 February 2013 22:54

76- that last line. Perfection.

Sonotsuave 35

Friday 15 February 2013 22:56

what you get fo bein a smoka

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Keywords

Animals Gross Poopoo peepee Cats Love Awkward Smells Embarrassing Miscellaneous Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Social Media Grieving Music Anniversary Boredom Abuse Ironic Intimacy AITA Am I overreacting? Alcohol Transportation Drunk Parents Kids Gun control

The Top

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 4 225

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me unless we get married within a year and have a baby. I don’t negotiate with terrorists but now I’m gonna be single and alone over Christmas, unless I wheedle myself into my brother's Christmas, but I think I’d just ruin it for his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 175

The Top

Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 135

Today, I got shut in the walk-in freezer at work. I started banging on the door. My boss wouldn't come and open it because she didn't "play games". She thought I was kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 598

You deserved it 3 212

Today, I’ve finished all my cancer treatments but my body is putting me through the wringer again. I got my first period after not having one for nearly a year, and with it has come all sorts of hormonal issues including cramping, mood swings, hot flashes, and heinous BO! It’s worse than puberty! FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 90

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 157

You deserved it 8 052

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 468

You deserved it 3 835

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 629

You deserved it 7 436