Intimacy: Use the force

Use the force

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 133

You deserved it 56 899

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Get it where you can

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 352

He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

By padmelover - 27/08/2022 22:00

Today, my dad said I need to stop playing with toys and threw my lightsaber out of the window. It was a replica of the Lightsaber used by Mark Hamill, made from the same type handle from a 1970s camera, just like the film prop. It was over 40 years-old and worth thousands. Not anymore, as it's now scratched and in two pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 09/03/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 766

You deserved it 7 945

One size fits all

By Anonymous - 18/06/2022 22:00

Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 922

You deserved it 317

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 472

You deserved it 7 480

War drums

By Taylor - 30/07/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 232

You deserved it 10 684

I think we're alone now

By lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar voice, saying, "At least someone's having fun…" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 056

You deserved it 35 230

By rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 173

You deserved it 8 977

By a - 21/05/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 047

You deserved it 49 651

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 741

You deserved it 762

LukeFree 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

The force is strong with this one.....

IndiRae 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

You deserve it for calling it a Star Wars sword.

Comments

donnasd 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 20:44

You must be ugly af

ang13013michael 1

Thursday 11 August 2011 21:01

Wow thats some kinky shit!

Jakeraptor 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 21:01

it's called a lightsaber you weird ass *****.

4toestatue 7

Thursday 11 August 2011 21:07

oh man what cruel world i would give a finger to pls her with my tongue and a lightsaber takes all the action.

GingerDTF 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 21:14

That's Hot...in a nerdy creeper kinda way

byteolu 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 21:17

That just nasty

dregg22 2

Thursday 11 August 2011 21:17

There is always the option of buying one online

klong91 7

Thursday 11 August 2011 21:21

One of the many reasons why we have the Internet. Just buy one from Amazon.

bullrider92 19

Thursday 11 August 2011 21:23

You get horny,you use what you have.Just make sure it is clean before and after.

lolnatalyloves 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 21:25

Online shopping lol

Keywords

Weird Underwear Miscellaneous Clothes Cute Halloween Animals Dogs Fire Awkward First Dates Love Smells Work Scary Phobias Shopping Kids Embarrassing Mental health Health Friends Therapy Am I overreacting? AITA Birthday Poopoo peepee Customers Thief Argument

The Top

Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 084

You deserved it 39 621

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have at least combed it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 904

You deserved it 5 999

The Top

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 121

You deserved it 5 035

Today, I went to a thrift store and found heaps of clothes that I loved that fit me perfectly. Then I found a special distinctive dress. My dress. My dad had thrown away heaps of my clothes and I had to buy them all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 604

You deserved it 3 106

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 479

You deserved it 5 836

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend complaining that I don't help with the chores, I secretly took a day off work to deal with some that were piling up. When she got home, all she could do was complain about how I hadn't done more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 281

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 630

You deserved it 3 753

Today, it's 49 days until Christmas, and all I can think of is how it’s mine and my partner's first Christmas together but she’ll be out of town. Apparently, she’d rather hang out with her whackjob family rather than my normal, stable family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 1 124