Intimacy: Well?

Well?

By Johntheladdo - 29/03/2011 17:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 367

You deserved it 10 516

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anun - 14/01/2014 14:06 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 983

You deserved it 7 076

By MandMandM - 19/07/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 555

You deserved it 6 171

By anonymous - 08/12/2011 10:37 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 152

You deserved it 4 291

Get on with it

By KaRaSu - 22/11/2008 12:24 - France

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 914

You deserved it 7 113

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 769

You deserved it 4 441

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 567

You deserved it 16 444

By how about never? - 19/10/2014 11:22 - United States - San Fernando

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 922

You deserved it 5 173

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 818

You deserved it 5 301

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 655

You deserved it 9 534

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 259

You deserved it 3 323

Mpsteve13 7

Tuesday 29 March 2011 22:04

use your leg

Bandz_fml 3

Tuesday 29 March 2011 22:06

I thought the 4 worst words were "I have a penis"

Comments

franceypants 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:07

WTF?!!???!! what kind of man says that?

franceypants 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:08

WTF?!!???!! what kind of man says that?

timmyfml23 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:13

thats what she said

WillDaBeast83 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:13

that sucks man!

cdanger 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:16

sorryyy, you must be white! lol happens to the best of us :)

maddyjayneexox 4

Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:18

hahah i saidd that likee 5 times during my first timee and he kept insistingg it was lmffao he wasnt that small eitherr..

PickleSurprise 6

Wednesday 30 March 2011 14:24

For someone who brags about how smart they are in their profile, you type like a 14 year old dumbass.

meintx 9

Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:23

LOL probably shouldn't have fisted her first. LOL

scottovious 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 4:29

250?? Baby dick or is it monster Vag?

butterflyz1961 2

Wednesday 30 March 2011 5:10

I'm sorry, but I'm 50 and I've been around long enough to know that size really does matter. So all I can say is, get real good at oral.

gigi03 5

Wednesday 30 March 2011 5:16

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 63

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 51

The Top

Today, my parents complained to me that I never talk to them about my hobbies and interests, or what I do in general. Well, maybe if you at least pretended to show any sort of interest when I do, instead of just replying dismissively to everything I say until I leave, I might talk about them more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 99

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me over some rumors he heard about me. These rumors are from high-school, seven years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 257

You deserved it 3 581

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 1 002

Today, I muted the TV just in time to hear my mom yell at my dad about how their sex life is "non-existent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 646

You deserved it 4 732

Today, after starting a new job, having two ovarian cysts rupture and been in and out of the hospital twice in a week, I'd been told that I couldn't work, needed surgery, and could lose my ovary. I’m 23. I was told that my job was secure and not to worry. I received my termination letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 139

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 224