What goes up…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 17:02

Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn’t stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she’s probably never going to speak to us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 287

You deserved it 334

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Same thing different taste

By KnuckleSandwich - 20/07/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 662

You deserved it 3 753

By pride? what's that? :( - 01/09/2012 00:23 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 804

You deserved it 40 497

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 448

You deserved it 4 490

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 197

By Anonymous - 28/03/2014 00:09 - United States - Kent

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 717

You deserved it 5 295

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 286

You deserved it 2 451

Wake up

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 23:01

TToday, my daughter was hungover, so to teach her a lesson I started banging a pot next to her ear. An hour later, we’re in hospital. She wasn’t hungover; she hadn’t even been drinking. Her migraine was a huge aneurism one sneeze away from bursting and killing her instantly. I’m a terrible dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 2 481

Oversharing

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 02:03

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 651

You deserved it 352

By Anonymous - 27/01/2012 22:03 - United States

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 136

You deserved it 3 936

By Char - 24/09/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Gravesend

Today, whilst at work, I had a woman come in with a problem with the seat in her car not moving backwards or forwards. There was a dildo stuck in the chair rail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 847

You deserved it 278

fjvitt 14

Thursday 18 June 2020 19:31

Did you have to go in the back door of the ER???

Kraths 16

Thursday 18 June 2020 17:36

Honestly I think this an FML for her. My parents were never shy about laughing at the absurdity of something’s my brother and I used to do.

Comments

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 21 June 2020 22:55

I mean, how big/long is the thing? Did it go all the way up inside her? You couldn't somehow help her pull it out? How old is your daughter? Why does she have a *****? I'm assuming she lives with you, so she probably isn't mature/old enough to have a *****. If she lives on her own, she should have called 911 herself and not told you at all. But the big question is, how is this possibly funny? You know some people can die from having things shoved too far up their butts, right? Look at the guy who let a horse bang him. Yeah, it's not pretty. You say she may never speak to you again - well, if she's old enough to hold a grudge like that, she's old enough to know better than to jam things up her butt.

trashcan_man 16

Saturday 25 July 2020 18:17

I hope it has been explained to you now how serious this was. An object lodged in the rectum or colon can adhere to the lining of the colon, inflict tears or lesions, and cause other serious medical complications. Laughing about this is just as cruel and uncaring as laughing at someone who slipped on some ice and received a head injury.