Intimacy: Whenever

Whenever

By InstantHardOn - 08/11/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 536

You deserved it 8 159

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 418

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 968

You deserved it 5 604

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 59 089

By Indigo_Kitten - 08/08/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 982

You deserved it 19 056

By tkr - 06/02/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 937

You deserved it 39 959

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 294

You deserved it 5 774

Right Said Fred

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 22:02

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 2 024

By tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 064

You deserved it 2 096

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 191

You deserved it 9 763

Oooooh yeah

By omgwtf - 01/06/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my girlfriend had changed my ringtone to some woman moaning with pleasure continuously. I found this out in the middle of a job interview when she rang me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 893

You deserved it 579

thantomaniac 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:08

That SOUNDS funny as hell.

MwahFMLS 6

Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:12

Grab her boob and sing nyan cat? Meowmeowmeowmeow

Comments

jessicaaababy 8

Wednesday 9 November 2011 4:43

hahaha oh my god that is funny, I'd do it if I had a boyfriend ;P

hullstar242 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 6:08

Sounds like a funny ass girlfriend :) and a cool one! Would you rather have a business like bitchy one?

cpatry 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 6:13

My girl does the same to me. Sucks.

Hisfav1 6

Wednesday 9 November 2011 9:26

Saying hella is wayyy less annoying then "awk" or "awks"

yeneewsnire 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 16:10

That's what I would do hahaha

acarpenter33 4

Wednesday 9 November 2011 16:29

Same here! I ******* hate it.

MackoFML 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 19:57

omg!!!!! my gf does the same thing! O.O

dpgft10 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 20:40

Well I feel SOOO bad for you that your kinky girlfriend wants to grab your junk in public...ARE YOU SERIOUS you ungrateful lucky jerk fyl lol FML

chickenpie90 16

Wednesday 9 November 2011 21:09

Haha

MeganFeltyy39 0

Wednesday 9 November 2011 23:36

Hahah thats funny as sht, i would do that lol

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend won't stop complaining about the recent lack of intimacy in our relationship. There's an easy solution to this problem, but I'm currently covered in poison ivy rashes and she refuses to let me touch her until they clear up. Guess I'd better get used to itching and whining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 215

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the father of my kids, had been practically begging women to sleep with him throughout the duration of both pregnancies, and has also spent hundreds of dollars on OnlyFans every month. He promised to permanently delete OnlyFans three times and still hasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 583

The Top

Today, my fiancée "thought I should know" that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 412

You deserved it 4 751

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 2 188

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 582

You deserved it 10 197

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 365

You deserved it 4 762

Today, I went on a group job interview, where all the applicants seem to have the same qualifications. When the interviewer dismissed all of us but the prettiest girl, outraged, I told him he was a prejudiced pig, and should be ashamed of himself. Apparently she was the only one who had a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 743

You deserved it 58 873

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 707

You deserved it 10 283