Intimacy: Whenever

Whenever

By InstantHardOn - 08/11/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 537

You deserved it 8 159

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Same thing different taste

Comedian

By WoofWoof - 27/09/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 418

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 968

You deserved it 5 604

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 056

You deserved it 59 089

By Indigo_Kitten - 08/08/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 982

You deserved it 19 056

By tkr - 06/02/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 937

You deserved it 39 960

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 294

You deserved it 5 774

Right Said Fred

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 22:02

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 2 028

By tigerbyrn - 30/05/2016 15:35 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, as I was about to meet my girlfriend's parents, she thought it would be funny to grab my junk and give me a hard-on right before they walked in. I couldn't hide it quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 066

You deserved it 2 096

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 191

You deserved it 9 764

Oooooh yeah

By omgwtf - 01/06/2019 04:00

Today, I found out my girlfriend had changed my ringtone to some woman moaning with pleasure continuously. I found this out in the middle of a job interview when she rang me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 893

You deserved it 579

thantomaniac 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:08

That SOUNDS funny as hell.

MwahFMLS 6

Tuesday 8 November 2011 9:12

Grab her boob and sing nyan cat? Meowmeowmeowmeow

Comments

lolman222 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 14:41

You are absolutely correct. Gotta love double standards. If men do it, it's totally wrong and disturbing. If women do it, it's funny and okay in public. Does the same thing go for equal rights perhaps? Women, you say there are no more gentlemen around. That is mostly correct. It's because you all killed them. You want equal? Man up. Do you see men hold doors for other men? No. Just cause you have a ****** doesn't mean you get special treatment and get to do whatever you want. Nuff said.

Mr_Squinchy 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 15:00

Next time she does it, just stick your finger in her vag and sing the Spongebob Squarepants theme really loud.

didthatreallyhap_fml 14

Wednesday 9 November 2011 3:59

lmao she would deserve it and i am sure this would make her stop embarrassing him... i can see the fml now

DawnMarie11 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 15:07

Agreed.

Ranimal 12

Tuesday 8 November 2011 15:49

Hmmm...

FrostieFrost 9

Tuesday 8 November 2011 15:53

Seems like a lady troll to me...

GlordQTinkledink 1

Tuesday 8 November 2011 16:30

Wait a minute, hell isn't funny, it's not funny at all! :|

JinxosGirl87 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 17:15

My BF would never let me touch his junk in public unless I want to be single afterwards. I think OP is whipped and needs to put his foot down regarding his GF embarressing him.

smartloser 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 17:40

Maybe she just wants to show off your junk to the world, be proud.

bbychii 20

Wednesday 7 September 2016 20:50

and if the genders were switched and he grabbed her, she should show her pussy to the world and be proud yeah? many people forget that its not all just one way, its alright for a female to grab a mans crotch in public and the man should be proud but if a man did it to a female they'd cry sexual harassment

shrimpyshrimp10 9

Tuesday 8 November 2011 18:05

Wow! You should have a talk with her. And if she does it again get super pissed at her. She'll learn that it pisses u off real bad and won't do it again.