Intimacy: Wrong, just wrong

Wrong, just wrong

By Anonymous - 02/07/2017 10:00 - China - Chengdu

Today, while licking maple syrup off my wife during foreplay, I probably shouldn't have referred to her breasts as pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 715

You deserved it 7 298

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 04:37 - United States - Northridge

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 097

You deserved it 5 793

By Eve - 24/06/2011 10:45 - Ireland

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 100

You deserved it 10 727

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 15:37 - United States

Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 364

You deserved it 6 275

By maddy - 28/02/2010 17:10 - United States

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 059

You deserved it 23 829

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:56 - Canada

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 504

You deserved it 44 104

Grilled

By Anonymous - 17/07/2023 03:00

Today, I made several beautiful steaks on the grill, then set them to rest. While I left to use the bathroom, my four year-old decided they looked yucky and poured syrup on them. My wife was too busy giggling and recording it to stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 198

By hannah12345 - 26/02/2010 17:54 - France

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 822

You deserved it 31 859

Exploding milk ****

By not that kinda squirting - 30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 872

You deserved it 592

By Rowden - 26/04/2010 09:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 294

You deserved it 9 637

By Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 008

You deserved it 4 306

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 2 July 2017 4:30

When you go "down there," please, please, please don't mention waffles!

Weibu11 5

Sunday 2 July 2017 4:24

Now that's what I call a sticky situation....

Comments

JINXnocturnal 18

Sunday 2 July 2017 13:34

Why maple syrup? Did you run out of dessert toppings?

Glowworm56 26

Sunday 2 July 2017 14:07

I hope you didn't then refer to her nipples as strawberries!

jbuckets_404 38

Sunday 2 July 2017 14:51

OP, don't be surprised if next time your wife states that she's not interested in any "breakfast sausage links...."

CRC_101 31

Sunday 2 July 2017 20:21

She just doesn't appreciate a perfect pun.

ThrottleJockey 35

Sunday 2 July 2017 21:38

That's why I usually go with biscuits and gravy, as in she's got the biscuits and I've got the gravy.

bigtwobah 6

Monday 3 July 2017 12:46

"Yeah you take this sausage you hungry girl, you got a big day ahead of you"

Dexter83aus 7

Monday 3 July 2017 23:36

OP whilst I feel bad for you. This is the funniest thing I've read on here. Just don't ask for two stacks

Dylan Bower 9

Thursday 6 July 2017 1:15

Why?

ArbiterOfFML 24

Thursday 6 July 2017 2:12

the fyl and ydi are exactly the same, for that reason I pressed both.

jetli1234 6

Friday 7 July 2017 10:08

I read it as male syrup ??

Keywords

Shoes Miscellaneous Clothes Relatable Cars Insurance Transportation Health Work Love Cheating Awkward Clumsy Embarrassing Food Animals Dating First Dates Bikes Cute Dogs Pranks Ironic Shopping Texting Mistakes Family Fight Birthday Drunk

The Top

Today, a girl I rejected, who is also a good friend, wrote on Facebook, “I’m never letting a guy get close to me again!” when I finally posted my new girlfriend. I avoided posting her before to avoid hurting her feelings because I knew she was still pining for me. Now I feel like an asshole and I lost a good friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 205

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 561

You deserved it 4 164

The Top

Today, I asked my friend who is a fashion major why she didn't want to use me as a model for her senior project. She said my boobs were too big. I doubt it'd have been an issue if I were a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 687

You deserved it 8 199

Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 365

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 799

You deserved it 6 015

Today, I finally caught the person who has now and again been stealing my lunch at work for weeks. It was my boss. I awkwardly watched him eat my sandwich while he talked about how he's been "saving money by bringing food from home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 90

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 791

You deserved it 19 876

Today, I was prepared for it to be difficult being a parent, but it's actually super easy. What I wasn't prepared for was just how boring it would be after my husband returned to work and I was left alone. All she does is sleep, so the whole house is scrubbed clean, and I'm climbing the walls from sheer bloody boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 475