Spicy

Suspicious minds

By Anonymous - 30/10/2023 16:00

Today, my girlfriend explained to me that when we have sex regularly, I'm in a noticeably better mood than when we don't have sex. Apparently, that means I'm immature, and she's questioning the value of our relationship. I thought it was normal for sex to make people happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 132

What's going on here?

By Heartbroken - 30/10/2023 06:00

Today, I came home from work to hear loud moans coming from the room that my husband and I share. I barged in and both he and this girl are scrambling around the room. He’s a music teacher and claimed he was giving her vocal lessons. That would make more sense had they both not been half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 120

Love and marriage

By Anonymous - 29/10/2023 22:00

Today, literally the only thing that now motivates my husband to do anything is sex. Not food, money, humour, or anything. Once he’s had sex, he’ll do anything I ask him to for about 8 hours, then he turns back into a depressing, shiftless lump who either goes to work, sits in his chair, or sleeps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 392

Another one bites the dust

By Anonymous - 29/10/2023 04:00

Today, every guy I've dated in the last 5 years loses interest after we've had sex, no matter how long I wait. The worst part is none of them will tell me what's wrong with me, they all just act like everything is fine, whilst "phasing it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 171

This charming man

By Anonymous - 28/10/2023 22:00

Today, I refused to have sex with my date, so he called me an Uber from the restaurant to just take me home. I didn’t realise until I got home it wasn’t even an Uber, just a standard taxi who required payment in either cash or debit card, and I had to pay before he’d let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 286

On a loop

By Anonymous - 28/10/2023 05:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I got home after a long day and decided to unwind a bit. I put some porn on the TV but promptly fell asleep. I woke up three hours later to the same video playing, but realized a had left my blinds open. I broadcasted three hours of Athena Faris having sex to my whole street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 474

Misguided

By Anonymous - 27/10/2023 22:00

Today, my dad invited me to a bar that turned out to be a brothel, because “it’s pathetic that I’m still a virgin and it’s past time I just get it over with.” I’m not a virgin, I’ve just never been with a woman because I’m gay and still haven’t told my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 189

Fantasy

By Anonymous - 26/10/2023 16:00

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to go crazy and get a short haircut, then dye it all pink. When we got home he wanted sex, and he'd bought me a military uniform to wear, which is when I realised he was trying to turn me into one of his anime girls FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 283

Get me out of here

By seekerglow176 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Natick

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about buttfucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 620

You deserved it 5 346

Unappreciated

By Viscerion - 26/10/2023 14:30 - Australia - Adelaide CBD

Today, I'm unloved by my partner. She has not made love with me for one and a half years. On our anniversary two years ago, she told me we had nothing to celebrate, that I had achieved nothing in more than a decade we have been together. I lost 25 kgs and got a new job earning around 80K a year. Still nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 243

Totally worth it

By FvckedUpNow - 25/10/2023 04:00

Today, I had the most amazing lesbian sex of my life with this girl I had been crushing on for so long. Today is also the day I became practically homeless, courtesy of my parents, who apparently never heard of knocking before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 347

That's not how any of this works

By Anonymous - 24/10/2023 10:00

Today, I gave my hubby a hand massage as he's beginning to deal with carpal tunnel issues. He then proceeded to tell me, and I quote, "This is the consequences of not properly stretching as a young guy. I did stretch pussy though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 151

U wot m8?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom - Ilminster

Today, my now ex-boyfriend said to me, “Who’s your daddy?” during the deed and it was so off-putting, I said my dad's actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 266

Tempted?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2023 00:02

Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 150

Bursting at the seams

By Anonymous - 22/10/2023 07:30

Today, after I returned from business dinner at a hibachi restaurant, my wife decided she wanted sex for the first time in years on a weekday. We did it and I pooped a little on “our” stupid white comforter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 350

Small is beautiful

By dickless wonder - 21/10/2023 10:00

Today, I met up with a girl I've been hanging out with a bunch recently. She said that we should be a couple, "unless you have a micropenis", then laughed. I actually do have a micropenis. I couldn't hold it together, and ran out of the bar, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 185

The gift of insecurity

By where’d she learn it? - 20/10/2023 15:02 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 1 531

Fake news

By pig! - 20/10/2023 14:00

Today, I went out on a first date. He was funny, laidback, and handsome. We had an amazing time but I declined to go back to his house, not wanting to rush things. He said he understood and respected my choice. Later online he bragged about “banging some cheap slut for the price of a meal.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 186

The growth

By Deenadd - 19/10/2023 07:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I discovered an open wound right above my penis. I can’t put a Bandaid on it because the hair down there repels it. There’s something repulsive about seeing something like that on your own body, especially when you just want to jerk off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 302

New sex tape just leaked

By Anonymous - 18/10/2023 20:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 7 years cheated on me when I saw a sex tape in which he was in. He claimed it was from before we met. I went to delete it and I clicked “info” by mistake and I ended up seeing the date it was filmed and even the location. I still haven’t told him I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 136

Braggadocious

By krissy8799 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 259

You deserved it 10 112

Surprise!

By Michelle - 17/10/2023 23:00 - United States - Stormville

Today, the guy I was dating for over a year would only perform oral on me and never sex. I couldn’t figure out why. We grinded a few times. I got pregnant but couldn’t figure out how, because I didn’t have sex. Apparently his penis, hard, is the size of my pinkie. We were having sex, I just never felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 296

Never cross that line

By Anonymous - 17/10/2023 10:00

Today, my lesbian best friend told me she might be bi and wanted to try sex with a guy she trusts, AKA me. She eventually convinced me, but after we'd had 'weird best friend sex' she decided she’s a lesbian after all, and I “took advantage of her temporary confusion,” so we’re not friends anymore. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 138

Possessive

By Anonymous - 15/10/2023 18:00

Today, my 13 year-old autistic step-son has been having a meltdown all afternoon and has attacked me three times. Why? He discovered me and his mother are having sex, you know, almost as if we were a married couple. He’s getting worse; no matter what we do, he is definitely getting worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 135

Supportive

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 04:30 - United States - Stanford

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months was having a really bad day at work. Thinking I would cheer him up a bit, I send him a picture of myself while I was changing. His response? He dumped me. He said it was unprofessional and immature of me to do that. He works in the middle of nowhere, by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 164

The old ball and chain

By Anonymous - 13/10/2023 18:00

Today, just after got home, my husband, instead of offering to cook dinner or massage my feet, said, "Does this look a funny colour to you?" and showed me a selfie of his asshole. And yes, it did, so of course I had to book a doctor's appointment for him because he can’t even do that by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 282

Classic move

By Anon - 13/10/2023 04:00

Today, after being severely depressed for a week, I was having sex with my boyfriend when got so anxious that I threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 154

Girls' trip!

By solo - 12/10/2023 10:00

Today, I'm on a road trip with my girlfriends, and they're all telling each other stories about their sex lives. Me, as I'm a virgin, I'm writing this FML, bored to death due to not having anything to contribute to the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 171

Independance, now!

By Kye Hooper - 12/10/2023 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out that my partner doesn't ever want sex from me again. I'm too broke to leave her, so I guess my sex life is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 238

What's worse?

By Feeling unattractive - 11/10/2023 20:00

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating to pictures of Olivia Rodrigo on his computer. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that he hasn’t made love to me in weeks because he “couldn’t get horny” or that he’s 38 and apparently sexually attracted to a teenybopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 138

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 987

You deserved it 5 900

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for two months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 261

You deserved it 2 529

The Top

Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him on. After five minutes, he says, "Could you stop making animal noises, I feel like I’m fucking in a farmyard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 102

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 034

You deserved it 6 212

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 637

You deserved it 40 432

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 613

You deserved it 5 231

Today, my husband was leaving for a long business trip to Germany. As he was leaving, my daughter started crying. "Don't leave me with her !' she said. 'Take me with you !' FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 821

You deserved it 8 939

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended like it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 346

You deserved it 3 572