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Quite the catch

By Anonymous - 03/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, and for over week, one of my nostrils has been stuffed to the point I can't breathe through it. I tried nasal spray and blowing it out, but nothing worked. I wanted to go to the doctor but first, I used a flashlight and a pair of tweezers. The giant, crusted booger bullet I pulled out was as long as my palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 103

Hot headed

By Anonymous - 27/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, during an argument with my fiancé, I threw my engagement ring on the ground. The center stone broke off. Now he's couch surfing, and has sworn that he won't marry me unless I can find the stone. One stupid moment might actually ruin my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 368

Summer lovin'

By I wish I was making this up - 15/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out my cat and my roommate's dog are apparently lesbians who are into what is basically bestiality to us humans. Despite both being female (and fixed), his dog tried to hump my cat, and my cat didn't resist at all. Trying to get his dog off my cat took way more effort than it should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 112

Uncoordinated

By Synneve - 18/07/2024 20:00 - Norway

Today, I tried to catch a rogue soccer ball at the park. I sprinted, leapt into the air, and managed to catch it. I also managed to trip on a picnic blanket, crash into a stroller (which was thankfully empty), and fall face-first into a salad bowl full of potato salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 519

What is wrong with you?

By Anonymous - 25/07/2024 05:00

Today, our dog is a racist. No other way to say it. We’ve had her since she was born, raised her just like our other dogs, but every time we try to take her for a walk, if she spots a black person, any black person, she barks at them, and once almost bit someone. We don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 160

Badass

By Bloodline's Dead-End - 25/09/2024 08:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my grandmother and I got mugged. As I stood there paralyzed with fear, she grabbed the mugger from behind as he escaped, and gave him a suplex, knocking him out. Then, as if nothing happened, she dusted herself, picked up our things, held my hand, and said, "Come on baby, let's get you a clean pair of shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 474

Red flag

By Anonymous - 17/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Ontario

Today, I want a baby, but suddenly my partner says he doesn't want any kids because he already has a child. With another woman. He's not been part of the mother's or child's life in over 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 275

Social media drama

By Jessie - 25/02/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend took me off his relationship status on Facebook. He just left “In a relationship” blank. This came after he added some girl. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me to the point of tears, and told me to stop worrying about stupid shit. Apparently, I also ruined his day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 123

Accounting

By SOME QUESTIONS DON'T NEED ANSWERS - 29/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, I came home to my boyfriend weighing a cup of shit on the kitchen scale. After I finished screaming in horror, he said he wanted to know how much his average dump weighed, so he could calculate how many pounds of shit he'd made in his adult life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 123

The really significant other

By Anonymous - 30/01/2024 08:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my childhood best friend and I just rekindled. He has literally known me since the day I was born. We spent all of our time together, baths, playing, all of it. We've always been connected. However, in high school, we ran from each other. Now, we found out we love one another but we’re in marriages. I would give up my SO for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 736

This doesn't feel nice

By bloodsuckerr - 09/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend is acting more distanced, leaving me on seen or delivered. We do long distance, he’s supposed to come visit me in three weeks. I don't know what to think. He’s always been sweet and stuff, but now it feels like he’s not trying. This makes my stomach hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 169

The dead of the night

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I caught my mom and her boyfriend fucking in their room at night, all because I wanted to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 354

How could you?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 845

Tonight, on 'First Dates'…

By Anonymous - 17/04/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, so… you know how sometimes girls give the weird guys a chance and it works out beautifully and they marry, have kids, and live happily ever after. Yeah, didn’t work for me. I gave the weird guy from work a chance and he asked if he could lick my armpits on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 127

No receipts

By UnemployedPlsHelp - 10/05/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, I found out you can’t lie about having a Master’s Degree in order to get a job. I paid a friend $500 to make a very real looking Master’s diploma from an accredited school. My plan worked well, until they asked me for my official transcripts. Meaning it has to come from the institution directly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 1 417

Emotional

By Abigail - 23/07/2024 14:00 - United States - Penn Yan

Today, I was crying over my favorite artist dying (as I often do). I was home alone, watching his documentary/movie in my living room, and I started crying REALLY HARD. It was the loudest and hardest I've ever cried. Guess who showed up to the house? The cops. The neighbors thought I was dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 639

Advice wanted

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 17:00 - United States - Chaska

Today, I'm wondering if I can forgive someone who I was there for when they were at their lowest, but when I was at mine, they dropped me and told me they couldn’t help me, and I can't talk to them about it anymore? FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 98

Cut your losses

By Anonymous - 02/08/2024 02:00 - United States - Tuscaloosa

Today, I found out my partner was cheating on me. We’ve been together for over 5 years. I tried to break it off with him but he won’t let me. I feel stuck and numb. I went to bed early, only to be woken up by him (on purpose) a couple of hours later and now can’t sleep because of a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 169

Where am I right now?

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 13:00 - United States - Livermore

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. While they were singing Happy Birthday to me, my mother called me by my brother's name. When I blew out the candles a moment later, I joked, "I wish my mother could remember which son I am." Before we had even started eating the cake, she called me by my father's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 77

Classic brainworms

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to someone on the phone, and then I panicked because I couldn't find it, searching for it while speaking on the phone, asking them to call it. It wasn't until they started laughing did I realise that it was up against my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 437

If it was intentional…

By Anonymous - 06/11/2024 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we had an argument and my husband called my mother right in front me. Two minutes later, she was on his side and yelling at me on FaceTime that I’m a bad wife, a pain in the ass, and a nagging bitch. The argument was about him leaving tools around for me to step on and cut my foot open with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 117

Oddly specific geographical complaint

By Anonymous - 12/11/2024 15:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I live in Vancouver, Washington where there is absolutely nothing to do for an adult on any day of the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 398

Blue Christmas

By Anonymous - 11/12/2023 21:00 - Canada - Sidney

Today, and as of late, I have been struggling with the fact my child passed away. I guess that's considered weak, well according to the child's father it is, which is news to me. I thought it was a pretty normal reaction, but I guess not. Merry Christmas to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 117

Wasted youth

By rob - 13/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I’m 25 years-old. I was unattractive in high school and college. In the last two years I’ve glown up. Also, rent, gas, and food have all gone up in price. I can’t afford dates and I've had to work weekend nights at every job since I was 18. I hate these “rich kids” my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 194

Broke boy

By Anonymous - 24/12/2023 13:00 - United States

Today, I watched my country's president yet again talk about how, thanks to "his economy", we're all doing better than ever. I watched from my childhood bedroom, because in the last year, inflation has gotten so bad that I can't afford even the cheapest apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 288

Tense dinner

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 00:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 156

Smug knob

By Anonymous - 03/02/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 368

Red tape

By Anonymous - 04/02/2024 15:00 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I got kicked out of university after missing/failing two exams on the same day, because I was told I could submit my family member's family emergency documents. Turns out, they didn't recognise it because of different last names. My parents never officially married, so couldn't prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 123

Stacks

By Anonymous - 19/02/2024 05:00

Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 082

Friends for life

By Esther - 25/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my best friend’s girlfriend took his phone and blocked me on Facebook, all because I wrote him a heartfelt Happy Birthday message on his wall. I found out because he messaged me from another account explaining what happened. She refuses to understand that we’re strictly platonic friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 159

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 096

You deserved it 1 169

Today, my parents and I were looking for something using the TV's search bar. Despite never, ever watching anything resembling porn, one of the default search options was, "Hot female Asian sex videos." Thank God they have an excellent sense of humor, as they laughed their heads off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 80

The Top

Today, my 4 year-old grand-daughter let her pet rabbit loose in the yard, while my 2 year-old grandson was trying to climb on a chair, then a table. I had to choose between catching the rabbit before it ran under the fence, or saving my grandson from falling on the concrete terrace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 367

You deserved it 1 329

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 872

You deserved it 294

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 106

You deserved it 10 661

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends, and now it's all over Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 791

You deserved it 4 285

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 955

You deserved it 4 108

Today, I had been looking forward to sex all day, got home, got my husband's engine running, got naked on top of him, violently sneezed at his new aftershave, and started my period all over his balls. We were centimetres away from sex and now have to wait 3 to 7 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 067

You deserved it 445