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By Tom - 06/06/2017 11:00 - United States - Antelope

Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 514

You deserved it 463

Grandma gets around

By LittleLou - 16/10/2016 04:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend broke up with me. She immediately asked if it was because I didn't put out. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 732

You deserved it 1 426

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 499

You deserved it 49 732

Thanks!

By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 13:54 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my car is being repaired, so I had to catch a bus to work. When the bus came, the driver pulled toward the curb and gunned it through a large puddle of water, then pulled away and continued down the road, leaving me soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 042

You deserved it 1 576

Infected

By Anonymous - 05/09/2016 16:23 - United States - Albany

Today, discovered that all the viruses I have gotten on my computer at work haven't been from anything I've done, but because my boss has secretly been using it after hours to download or watch porn so he wouldn't risk getting a virus on his own computer. I've lost 3 major projects due to this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 100

You deserved it 923

Work name

By Van - 09/11/2019 05:00

Spicy

Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 949

You deserved it 473

By gamerlaura - 21/07/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Blaenau-ffestiniog

Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 711

You deserved it 1 484

By Anonymous - 21/05/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 341

You deserved it 255 720

Die-hard supporter

By Seule - 29/06/2016 04:07 - Switzerland - Pully

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 241

You deserved it 1 709

Shouldn't have worn a thong...

By Shouldn'taWornaThong - 10/02/2018 07:00 - United States - Tempe

Today, while shopping at my local grocery store, a young boy came up behind me and pulled my pants down while snickering. I was so shocked and horrified that I dropped the f-bomb. His mother yelled at me for "ruining his innocence". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 658

You deserved it 324

By Frenchiesaffa - 12/03/2018 20:00 - South Africa - Durban

Today, my colleague Skyped me to tell me my tampon string was hanging out my shorts. I had just come from lunch with 5 other colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 107

You deserved it 771

By Minnie - 12/06/2016 13:33 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 202

You deserved it 947

By Marteeny - 09/06/2016 03:14

Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 154

You deserved it 1 105

Sneaky Bitch

By RescuePups - 30/04/2018 09:00 - United States - Waterford

Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 337

You deserved it 817

By brick - 14/05/2018 10:00 - United States - Geneva

Today, I went to sleep at 7am. I learned once that Indians used to drink tons of water before bed to force themselves awake so I did that in case my alarm (which I hooked up to my speakers) didn't work. The alarm worked, but the shock of the blasting sound made me pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 138

You deserved it 3 173

Noooooooooo!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I reached a new low and embarrassed my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 310

You deserved it 62 582

By DeadLily - 07/05/2016 13:12 - United States - Midlothian

Today, like any other day I moan after I sneeze. The only issue is that today my husband was on the phone with his grandmother, and had to explain to her, while trying not to laugh, that he wasn't having sex with me while on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 683

You deserved it 1 302

DeadLily tells us more.

DeadLily 19

Monday 9 May 2016 1:48

Lmao. OP here. I have had sex while my husband or myself being on the phone. It's just really embarrassing when it happens around other family members since I don't see them often. Now being both of us are gamers, our friends hear it all the time through teamspeak. And the jokes never cease. Anyways. I don't even get pleasure out of it, it's just a reflex. Also! Thanks for the comments! You guys are great!

By Anonymous - 01/09/2018 18:30

Today, I spent $50 buying flea bombs so not only my dogs, but my son could relax a little in my home instead of fighting off those tiny little circus bastards. Today, I got in my car and the fleas attacked me mercilessly until I got to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 437

For better or for worse

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 865

You deserved it 4 736

Fierce kitty

By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 17:05 - United States - Miami

Today, I'm in training at an animal shelter. There's an adorable tiny kitten there, which my boss said not to touch because it's feral. "No way he's dangerous!" I said, reaching into the cage to pet it. It struck like a cobra and tore up my arm. My first on-the-job injury is from a KITTEN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 245

You deserved it 31 777

By Depressed and clueless - 24/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, after months of being told I'm just being paranoid, my hallmates admitted and proved that there really is a dorm-wide conspiracy to socially isolate me. I don’t know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 590

You deserved it 207

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 05:00

Today, my daughter told me her tummy hurt, but I assumed she was lying because she hates visiting grandma. About 20 minutes into the car ride, she got excited and said, "Mum my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore!" About 10 seconds later, the smell filled the car right up to the roof. It was diarrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 733

You deserved it 3 767

WTF?

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 05:00

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 069

You deserved it 411

By MamaMia - 25/11/2018 15:30

Today, I realized it isn’t my 5 month-old son who has the issue sleeping without me, it's me who can't sleep without him. This is his first night in his crib and I can’t fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 642

You deserved it 664

Childish doofus

By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 403

You deserved it 3 007

By sarahrachel - 15/12/2015 03:30 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in the airport waiting to board, I got the sudden urge to pee, so I ran to the bathroom feeling like my bladder was about to burst. I was so focused on relieving my bladder that I failed to notice the diarrhea covering the toilet seat and the wall behind it until I was sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 059

You deserved it 5 058

By anonymous - 13/11/2015 00:00 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 337

You deserved it 3 961

Hypochondriac

By Stepheroni - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 840

You deserved it 690

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 05:13 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 180

You deserved it 7 290

WTF?

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 02:02 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 086

You deserved it 1 694

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The Top

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 157

You deserved it 10 544

Today, I once again confronted my boyfriend about tagging the girl he told me not to worry about in boyfriend/girlfriend memes on Facebook instead of me. He told me I was overreacting and, “it’s just social media!” He told me he’ll dump me if I bring it up again. We’ve been together for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 383

You deserved it 450

The Top

Today, I was walking down the street when I saw a friend I hadn't seen in years. I was so excited to catch up with her that I ran across the street without looking and almost got hit by a car. I ended up stumbling out of panic and landed on a pile of trash on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 1 053

Today, I finished a 50-page term end thesis essay on the history of Russia. Looking over the final requirements once more, I find I made just a tiny little mistake. It was supposed to be a thesis on "Prussia". The paper's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 206

You deserved it 39 856

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 206

You deserved it 13 189

Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 634

You deserved it 6 858

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 459

You deserved it 42 584

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 299

You deserved it 3 854