All the FMLs

By geniusdrunk - 09/08/2019 02:00

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 712

Cats give great advice like "Shit in a box!"

By can't sleep - 09/08/2019 00:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I can't sleep. I don't know what's crazier, the fact that I have been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling for about 5 hours, or that I have been asking my cat for advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 270

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 341

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 102

By kittyjoe - 08/08/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, while feeling sorry for myself that I can't find a guy, a girl on the talk show I was watching said, "You're never gonna find a guy sitting at home in your jammies with the cat." I'm sitting at home in my jammies with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 810

By kagan - 08/08/2019 14:00

Today, the only food in the house is canned beans and vegetables that I can’t stand. My dad refuses to go to the store because, "we can't afford it." Meanwhile, my stepmom just came home with a brand new Gucci purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 12:00

Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical in older people who don't move enough. I'm 34 and I get 9 hours of exercise a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 161

Thanks, I guess…

By Boo - 08/08/2019 08:01 - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 245

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 08/08/2019 06:00

Today, like any other day, I look just like Kim Jung-un. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 217

It was either an expensive event, or learn to manage your money.

By Bortenssen - 08/08/2019 10:05 - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out that the reason I couldn’t buy a commemorative jacket to wear at my rugby club's 50th anniversary was because the event had already happened. I paid in full for the event, and it cost me most of my savings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 1 483

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 02:01

Today, I was at work serving customers at the checkout. A girl was brushing the floor behind me. I turned around and whichever way she brushed, the brush hit me twice straight in the balls before she noticed anything. She had to serve the rest of the customers while I recovered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 440

You deserved it 161

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 00:01

Today, my landlord asked me to get rid of the flower boxes I have at the window in the stairwell. Why? Because they are disgusting. Why are they disgusting? Because his cat keeps using them as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 22:00

Today, after I'd remembered to start writing a list of my PTSD symptoms for my shrink, because I'm extremely forgetful, it finally took me three days to remember to write down forgetfulness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 235

By spit saliva spit - 07/08/2019 20:00

Today, I drooled on myself during a job interview and was immediately dismissed. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 564

By cat - 07/08/2019 18:00

Today, I thought I was seeing double. My neighbours got a new dog, which is exactly the same as the other one, except that it hates me twice as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 138

Mom! Stop!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 121

By pissedchick - 07/08/2019 14:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We're in the middle of nowhere and have a 4-hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 133

By Jill - 07/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 1 686

One Word: Diabeetus

By jmove - 07/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, I carhopped some food, enough to feed 6 people, out to this beat-up car. Inside were two huge ladies, who probably hadn't showered for a few days, sweating away from the hot weather. As I skated to the door, she said, "Hang on a moment," as she gave herself an insulin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 605

You deserved it 298

By UnpaidBabysitter - 07/08/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was shut in a boiling hot room with six children: a 10-year-old who kept shouting, a belligerent 7-year-old, two 5-year-olds who thought hitting me was funny and two 2-year-olds, who wouldn't stop crying. Their parents were just outside, laughing away, ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 201

By MaryJane - 07/08/2019 02:00

Today, my best friend told me she didn't want to be my friend anymore, because she wanted to start afresh in college and have pretty friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 127

Baller move

By notafan - 07/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. This kid in front of me had binoculars and was constantly shouting. Trying to amuse the girl next to me, I leaned over and said, "That kid probably has wet dreams about baseball." She got up and said to the kid, "Come on honey, we're leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 3 543

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that one of my subordinates, who is whiny, incompetent, undermining, the definition of passive-aggressive and stupid, was given a pay raise. She now makes more than me. My boss values a complete moron over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 680

You deserved it 284

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and ended up throwing up as soon as I got home. My mother's first question was an accusatory, "What have you been drinking?" I was returning from the AA meeting I have been attending for over a month. I go because I'm afraid I'll become an alcoholic like her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 18:00

Today, I came home from work and turned on the computer. I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a bunch of notifications. Turns out, everyone on Facebook knew I was single before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 137

Take a break

By Jekyll - 06/08/2019 08:00 - United States - Norwell

Today, I decided that after three days, I had to cut short my hiatus from social media. I saw a correlation between that and my anxiety going through the roof, causing my work performance to suffer. I’m so addicted to social media that in my off time, I think I was having withdrawal symptoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 1 324

Requirements

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 06:02

Today, I wasn't allowed to fly. Again. Yesterday my flight was overbooked. Today I didn't have the yellow fever vaccine. Not once was this requirement mentioned. Nobody would believe me. Luckily, it turned out that this requirement did not apply to me. They realised this after the plane left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 131

Hi guys!

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 02:00

Today, I stubbed my toe, and as I was hopping about clutching my toe and swearing like a drunken sailor, I turned and saw my boss, our CEO and pretty much the entire board of directors through the boardroom's open door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 520

The real friendzone

By friendless - 06/08/2019 00:01

Today, the reason I’d rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 05/08/2019 16:00 - United States - Cranford

Today, despite seeing her every weekend, her not telling me her work schedule, and her having ignored me every time she gets a boyfriend, my sister is upset that I "don't make more of an effort to see her." Sorry, I'm trying to not rely on people who hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 151

Keywords

Transportation Accident Thanksgiving Cars Dogs Alcohol Awkward Love Embarrassing Scary Animals Work Annoying Pizza Healthy Lifestyle Health Food Stressed out Miscellaneous Family Kids Parents Confused Exhausted Thief Relatable Money Birthday Argument AITA

The Top

Today, I asked my girlfriend of six months to be honest and tell me why she didn't give me a chance at first, two years ago when I first asked her out. I guess I shouldn't have asked, because her response was, "At first I wasn't digging you that hard, but the guys I liked didn't have your personality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 420

Today, I have COVID. My almost ex-wife is taking our kid to Thanksgiving with her family, but asked if he could stay longer with me (while I'm in quarantine), I said OK, no energy to argue, but she pushed and when I said, "If he's negative and has no symptoms it seems unnecessary" she screamed, "I DON'T WANT TO KILL MY PARENTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 352

The Top

Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 74

Today, I realised that I wasted my teenage life just to be a parent pleaser. I'm in the final months of high school and while everyone is enjoying the last days, I'm sat here being a "good" son, listening to my parents argue, maybe divorcing. I'm in tears and can't go out as I'm not invited to anything anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 202

Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 671

Today, I proudly announced to my mother that I would cut down on sugar. Without missing a beat, her response was, “Out. You need to cut it out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 350

Today, I've never been so lonely nor felt so romantically neglected as when I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 166

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 423

You deserved it 48 070