Awkward

A few moments later…

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 20:00 - Canada - Garson

Today, I saw my first FML I published on Facebook. Everyone was bashing me, thinking that I was the problem and the cause for my ex-boyfriend wanting to do his own thing. I used to sit in his room being ignored for days straight while he gamed. Not once did I bitch about his gaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 351

Damage control

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 00:00

Today, I overloaded the washing machine and it flooded the downstairs. The flooring will have to be scrapped and drywall replaced. It's 100% my fault. Did I mention this is not my house? FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 1 155

Look what they did to my boy

By crying with laughter - 10/08/2022 18:00

Today, and since yesterday, I've received numerous tearful, and sometimes angry, phone calls from my mom. The calls were not about her health issues, my kids, or even my dad losing his job. No, she was angry-crying about the FBI raid at Trump's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 189

Freak scene

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 14:00

Today, I have never been more disgusted at my daughter. She was on her phone and almost walked in front of a bus, until a man with some kind of facial disfigurement pulled her back. She called the poor man a "freak" and not to touch her, and he started crying. I'm ashamed to think she is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 477

Freak out

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 10:00

Today, we got on the plane for our honeymoon and her parents were on the same damn plane, going to the same spa resort, in the room next door, and my wife has the nerve to tell me it was a coincidence. How we supposed to get our sexy freak on, sharing a bedroom wall with her repressed mother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 197

Egg mode?

By Juan Venada - 09/08/2022 19:00 - Mexico - Ciudad De México

Today, I'm a 35 year-old man, and I'm moving in with my girlfriend soon. I have two options, get rid of all my lingerie, or tell her I love to wear it underneath my regular clothes, garter, and stockings included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 1 147

I don't wanna, I don't think so

By Anonymous - 10/08/2022 00:00

Today, I had to fire an employee for the first time in my life. She broke something that keeps breaking on its own, but she didn't report it. HR made me fire her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 123

Injury meet insult

By hystcheria - 09/08/2022 16:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I shattered my ankle while mountain biking with my boyfriend. As I lay writhing on the ground, waiting for the ambulance, he traced the outline of my thigh and said, "You should get this suctioned out while you're in the hospital." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 154

Lame!

By 12345678910 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Buffalo

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 610

You deserved it 4 440

How the turntables…

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 18:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend with a prostitute. The prostitute actually got mad at me for yelling at him, because the few times he’s hired her, all he asked for was talking and cuddling, never sex. Her advice was I need to step up my emotional intimacy, because he’s clearly not getting it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 3 213

Not funny

By Notacheat - 09/08/2022 08:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, a third person in my husband's family made a comment insinuating that our children aren't my husband's. I have never cheated on him, they are 100% his, and look just like him. I'm not sure if they are joking and rude, or serious and stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 118

How could you be so selfish?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 12:00

Today, my sister asked me to babysit so they could have date night, AKA sex without children in the house. I have a major surgery tomorrow and am in no fit mental state for three children under 10, so I said no. She called me an inconsiderate prick and slammed my door, breaking the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 145

Obligatory joke about Alabama

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00

Today, my son has to go live with my brother, because he got his half-sister pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 317

No notice

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. Before we finished, we were interrupted by my ex dropping my daughter off with no notice. In my rush to answer the door, I hopped off my boyfriend. The condom came off inside me. After a few minutes of feeling around, I pulled the condom out, and discovered I was on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 266

You deserved it 344

Deez nuts

By I hate my skin - 08/08/2022 14:59 - United States

Today, I have a massive boil on my genitals. I can't move, sit, or do anything without it flaring up. It's basically a constant dull pain on my nuts that gets worse when I move. No, I do not have genital warts, I just have horrible skin problems. This isn't the first time it's happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 105

Sniffer dog

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 18:00

Today, after a guy I really liked and we decided to have sex, and he gagged and told me I stank when he got 'down there', I broke up with him, badly, but it's now a week later and I’m in hospital with a severe infection down there. He was right, and now he won’t take me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 2 067

A bit harsh

By amy - 08/08/2022 12:00

Today, my six-year-old son called to say he was suspended from school for drawing some “pretty flowers.” Confused as to why that would warrant punishment, I took a look and they were swastikas. He’s inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 142

Thank God

By Dwarvahkiin - 08/08/2022 02:00

Today, just as we got done having probably the best sex of our relationship, my partner called me her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 167

The manosphere problem

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 22:00

Today, I walked out of a date after he told me feminism is "ruining society" and tried to convince me, with articles he had saved on his phone, that the female orgasm isn’t real like a man’s is FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 226

WTF dude?

By shit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 896

You deserved it 1 978

Which side are you on?

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I can officially say my parents spend more time with my cheating ex than me. Today is Sunday, and since Monday they have visited her on 4 days, leaving three days for me to see them, but on two of those days I had work, so I have visited my own parents once this week, while they saw her 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 146

Alexa, play "All You Need is Hate" by The Delgados

By Heart broken daddy issues - 07/08/2022 04:00

Today, I learned for the first time it's possible to love your children, but not to like them at all. I learned this from my own dad, who told me he will always love me, but he never really liked me much, so now that I've moved out, he doesn't see much reason for us to see each other anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 134

Happily married

By Anonymous - 06/08/2022 22:00 - Australia

Today, I read an FML about a garter toss. It made me remember my own garter toss. None of the guys at the wedding wanted to catch it, and visibly cringed at the idea of touching it. Ten years later, it's all been downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 205

That one embarrassing friend

By Tarik C - 06/08/2022 18:00

Today, while scouting a promising investment opportunity, my friend who escorted me kept referring to the area as “the hood” at full volume as we walked the street. Now I’m supposed to open a storefront there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 158

The world's greatest dad

By Nat - 06/08/2022 06:00

Today, I'd had enough of my ex-husband ignoring me and our son, so I threatened to take him to court for sole custody. He didn't even hang up the phone to his client, he just told me to go for it because our son isn't really that interesting anyway, not enough to fight to try keep him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 227

Who am I?

By explain please! - 05/08/2022 22:00

Today, my sister and I decided to do one of those online DNA tests just for fun. Our mom came in, saw all the stuff on the table, and lost her mind. She started bawling and apologizing. Apparently, neither one or neither of us actually belong to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 120

Decisions, decisions

By Aboulomania - 05/08/2022 06:00

Today, I learned that there is an actual medical term for having trouble making decisions of any kind. I'm not sure if I should feel understood because I know it's an actual disorder, or be angry that people still believe it's fake when I show it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 215

Work sucks, I know

By Living the Dream - 05/08/2022 02:00

Today, a guy diagnosed with ALS and months to live told me he didn’t envy my job. Definitely including this on my end of year performance review… FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 109

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 519

You deserved it 4 982

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 04/08/2022 18:00

Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 317

Keywords

Embarrassing Miscellaneous Christmas Cute Work Am I overreacting? Holidays Cats Shopping Gifts Awkward Friends Health Relatable Hair Poopoo peepee Money Education Animals Gross Neighbours Sex Intimacy Cops Love Smells Painful First Dates Social Media Music

The Top

Today, and for the last few months, I finally have enough money to be able to move into my own place. I can finally have girls over. I am also at the age of 26, where most girls stop wanting to go over to a guy's house. I wish I was 18 again, when independence is seen as new and sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 303

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 328

The Top

Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 260

You deserved it 75 067

Today, my boss asked if I'd finished my work for the day. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones this week, and I accidentally replied "Yes, Your Grace," British accent and all. He told me to stow my "sarcasm" or I'd be looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 009

You deserved it 11 180

Today, my husband said he wouldn't be talking to me for weeks, because I didn't buy him weed. Yeah, I paid all the bills and the rent this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 201

Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 256

You deserved it 280

Today, $1,000 were stolen from a deposit box to which only I and a coworker have access. I was so nervous during my interrogation that the cop said he had no doubt I was the one who stole the money. I had nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 879

You deserved it 2 109

Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 098

You deserved it 3 399