Awkward

Cat? Priceless

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 00:01

Today, I was so lethargic talking to my co-worker about her raise that I accidently told her to celebrate with a family vacation. I totally forgot that she just started divorce proceedings and that her mom is dying. Meanwhile, I'm stuck making $42,000 a year, and have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 811

Let it go

By kko - 16/02/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend still randomly brings up his ex. He told me what kind of dog his ex's grandma has. What the actual fuck? Whenever we’re out in public, he somehow slips her name into the conversation. He's told me he hates her, but mentioned her name at least 3 or 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 226

Freaked out

By bby - 16/02/2022 14:00

Today, I was at Walmart and I asked an employee for help. She turned around with tears streaming down her face and said, “I'm kind of in the middle of an emergency right now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 233

Passive aggressive

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 10:00

Today, I cleaned our whole house. I wasn’t expecting praise, it was just the house needed cleaning so I did it. I also wasn’t expecting my girlfriend to get mad at me for “cleaning everything as a form of passive aggressively criticising her for her not having cleaned the house either.” What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 118

TMI

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year-old boss's new breast implants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 487

You deserved it 2 404

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 06:00

Today, my siblings and I were going through our old home movies after our mom recently passed away. We accidentally found a VHS sextape of our mom and dad in their 20's. We are now collectively psychologically scarred, and can never unsee what we have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 366

Unsolicited Richard

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 10:00

Today, someone sent me disgusting private pictures, all because he asked if I wanted to swap pictures and I said sure, but I didn't think it was a different type of picture and not just selfies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 657

Keeping up with the Joneses

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 00:01

Today, in our family group chat, my sister-in-law asked me what I got my new girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. Not long after, my brother called me pissed off about me making him look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 87

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my two best friends decided to boycott Valentine's Day, ditching their boyfriends to hang out together. Not only am I single, but I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 773

You deserved it 2 698

The betrayal

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 16:01

Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 2 440

Sex night

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 21:59

Today, and ever since I told my wife I had sacked my secretary, a pretty redhead, I’ve noticed my wife has started reverting to her old habit of getting headaches on Fridays, which is normally sex night. Funny how this wasn’t a problem when I had a pretty secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 1 053

Dodgy

By Anonymous - 13/02/2022 14:00

Today, I got a letter from a hostel I stayed at saying they were going to sue me for leaving them a negative Google review. I was the victim of a $7000 theft crime there. They refused to call the police and ambulance when it happened, and they didn’t even give me my money I paid to stay there back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 126

Show bobs and vagene

By c2style - 12/02/2022 00:00 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I had my first conversation with someone on a dating site. “I’m trying to get to know you.… so, are you a big girl? I haven’t really been able to look at your profile.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 209

Cool your boots

By Milky Ilky - 10/02/2022 14:00

Today, my sister started lactating through her shirt post-breastfeeding at a family brunch. My husband, who gets turned on by pregnant women since he gets the most action during my pregnancies, visibly ogled her at the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 727

Help needed

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 11:59

Today, my daughter got her first period, so I went and got some products for her, certain that I knew what was needed. The lady cashier took one look in my basket and sympathetically asked if it was my daughter's first period and if I wanted help, since I clearly had no idea what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 234

Calm your hormones, dude

By PinChi - 09/02/2022 17:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend invited her sorority sister, who fled an abusive relationship, to live with us without asking me. This wouldn't be a problem, but her friend is easily two points hotter than her and…. thirsty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 1 874

Alexa, play "Happy When it Rains" by The Jesus and Mary Chain

By milo jj - 09/02/2022 21:59

Today, I went on a date with a girl who told me, “Sunny weather makes me depressed.” I’d hate to see what’s she’s like when it rains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 222

Alpha

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 18:01

Today, both my dad and boyfriend are serious weightlifters, plus my dad boxed in the army, and my boyfriend is a mixed martial artist. Ever since they met, they've been circling each other like bears in the forest trying to work out which is bigger and meaner before the fight even begins. They're both so childish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 285

Why don't we do it in the road?

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 22:00

Today, since my most recent breakup, I haven’t had sex in almost a year but I’m too afraid to just jump on Tinder for a hookup, because I had to move back into my parents' spare room, and I can’t be bringing a woman back for sex on a fold-out futon with mom and dad in the next bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 402

My body hates me

By Pain_intolerant - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 993

You deserved it 5 113

A way out

By BurninLuna - 08/02/2022 16:01

Today, I found multiple dating apps in my boyfriend's phone, hidden in a folder with his calculator and calendar. His excuse? He said he was never going to meet up with any of them, he just needed to have a back-up plan. We have been together for five years and live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 128

Imprinting

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 09:59

Today, the best friend I grew up with since primary school, who helped me be a single mom to my son, helping with bottle feeds, nappy changing and so on, has been shagging him since he turned 20. They’re getting married next year, despite the 24-year age gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 128

Leave me alone, freak

By snow vixen - 07/02/2022 09:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got slut-shamed by a guy in a 7-Eleven for having a face tattoo. A.) It's a birthmark; B.) I'm 15 and look it; C.) This happens a lot, and D.) I was wearing a full body winter coat and all he could see was my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 121

Unrequited callousness

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 04:01

Today, I heard that my crush’s dog had died. For some reason, my first instinct when I saw him was to say, “Oh my god, I heard that your dog died!” He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 802

Make up your mind

By WhatKindOfZoneIsThis - 05/02/2022 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my crush told me that she has zero desire to pursue a romantic relationship with me, and has only ever seen me as a friend. That would've been fine if we hadn't been seeing each other for almost a year, and passionately made out a couple of nights ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 212

The giggle loop

By Smiley - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at my friend's grandmother's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 526

You deserved it 3 779

**** McGee

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 11:59

Today, thanks to autocorrect on our new company laptops, I sent an email to all staff but when I signed my name, it autocorrected my surname to Nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 174

Fundies do the darndest things

By Leah - 03/02/2022 18:01 - United States - Queens Village

Today, my home health aide doused me with what she considered to be Holy Water. It was bottled water. Turns out she was having a meltdown. It's a freezing day in New York City. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 95

Great question, I'm glad you asked

By partycats - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a funeral. When I got there, I hugged one of the family members and he asked, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Good, how about you?" He looked appalled and shouted, "How the fuck do you think I am?! My mother just died!" loud enough for everyone to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 014

You deserved it 19 939

Praise the Lord

By Zippermania9 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 236

You deserved it 13 882

Keywords

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The Top

Today, it was my two year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 165

You deserved it 4 703

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 523

You deserved it 15 073

The Top

Today, I had to lie to my coworkers about me and some guy beating the absolute shite out of each other in a bar fight, all to avoid admitting my black eye was from my 7 year old son punching me in the face the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 168

You deserved it 6 521

Today, my water wouldn't go down my shower drain. Confused, I stuck a metal stick expecting hair, but instead stabbed and pulled up a rat that was dead in my drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 983

You deserved it 2 472

Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 153

You deserved it 1 379

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 145

Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because she "wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 083

You deserved it 4 371

Today, I was doing my paper round. I got to the last house and thought I had done everything right. I checked my list of houses, and I had done every single one wrong. I went and got all the papers back and delivered them again. That was when I realised I did them right in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 386

You deserved it 33 110