Intimacy

It was an 'Oh Jesus.. Ive had you between my legs and now you're the decider on whether or not I actually get to make money off of my brand new nursing degree' moment. :-D

Odd behavior

By Anon - 05/01/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 465

You deserved it 4 672

By thankzbabe - 04/01/2012 12:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 218

You deserved it 5 573

Get out of here

By Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 867

You deserved it 5 977

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 283

You deserved it 7 890

By Anonymous - 01/01/2012 18:09 - Canada

Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 949

You deserved it 10 885

Shower sex time?

By mark - 31/12/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, my wife was about to take a shower, when she called me into the bathroom. She stripped me off and pulled me in with her. As I started to get into it, she sighed, "Thank god. You really needed a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 694

You deserved it 40 239

By atleese - 31/12/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 445

You deserved it 31 901

Keywords

Gross Miscellaneous Insects Cute Neighbours Kids Proposal Awkward Love Delivery Health Hair Amazon Relatable Scary Allergies Animals Dogs Babysitter Skincare Emergency Doctor Hospital AITA Vacation Engagement ring Facebook Social Media Money Scams

The Top

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 967

You deserved it 12 229

Today, my dad's last words before he fell into a coma, and later died, were about how he wanted to stick his face in the ass of his 20-something nurse and motorboat her cheeks. I had to lie to my mother and say that his last words were that he wanted to see her again before the end. Thanks dad, NOT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 194

The Top

Today, my sister decided that it would be a great idea to give my almost two-year-old son some strong black coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 659

Today, I have to go into work for the first time since the Covid-19 lockdown. I've been working from home since March. Today was also the first time since going on lockdown that I cut myself shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 229

Today, while working at a hospital, I told a patient to smile for the camera when taking an xray. His response was, "I have Bell's Palsy and haven't smiled in 5 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 443

You deserved it 7 771

Today, while on a flight, I was walking back to my seat after going to the bathroom, when someone stuck their leg out, causing me to trip and fall flat on my face. All the guy could say was, "There's a thing called glasses. Fucking use them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 545

You deserved it 1 586

Today, I got dressed up in my best attire and drove an hour to my family Christmas, only to find out it was canceled, and nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 99

Today, it's been three weeks since my parents went on holiday and not only have they not called me, they don’t answer when I call them… until today, when my mom finally called me, whilst I was having sex. She then sent me a text outlining how rude it was I ignored her call and grounded me. I’m 24 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 127