Work, Wanker and Intimacy: Call the fuzz

Call the fuzz

By MBG - 05/06/2009 07:43 - Australia

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a café and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee, she grabbed my arm and said, "I think that man is masturbating" and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 881

You deserved it 4 338

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 22:00

Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 765

You deserved it 708

Creepy

By Finn - 05/07/2016 06:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 496

You deserved it 977

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 00:20 - Australia - Spearwood

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 978

You deserved it 3 554

I just want to go home

By Username - 23/11/2010 20:53

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only four hours to go until I get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 829

You deserved it 2 484

By OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 762

You deserved it 884

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 06:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 689

You deserved it 3 678

Oh, hello…

By superclutz - 07/07/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 21 179

Promoted!

By Worst Way To Get Promoted - 25/09/2019 16:00

Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 029

You deserved it 163

By sadfantasy - 31/03/2016 06:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 012

You deserved it 1 639

By Anonymous - 05/04/2013 16:26 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 992

You deserved it 3 034

RyeBreadBoy 0

Friday 5 June 2009 16:29

i'm pretty sure you could've thrown him out at that point.

may_cause_fail 0

Friday 5 June 2009 16:30

The coffee was just that good?

Comments

candii_fml 0

Friday 5 June 2009 17:25

you shudve called da cops thrown him outt and get himm booked das justt creeeeeeppyyy....

MetalLetteRaver 0

Monday 25 July 2011 2:32

Nice pic of Katie Babyfayce, dumbass. Fake much??

missmae 0

Friday 5 June 2009 17:25

What he was in the bathroom right? I didn't know public masturbation was illegal. Isn't it like...illegal to violate someone's privacy by bursting into a bathroom stall? Plus how ridiculous to call the cops on something that may or may not be happening...

biloxi_girl 22

Saturday 11 October 2014 3:09

Public ************ is very illegal. Had the OP called the cops and he was arrested, he would have done jail time and would have to register as a sex offender. He wasn't in the bathroom OP says there were two people left sitting in the shop.

darkblue_13 0

Friday 5 June 2009 17:27

that's super creepy, i don't understand why you wouldn't call the cops

cattoe7 0

Friday 5 June 2009 17:28

ew gross call the cops if that happens again

ithedarkknight 0

Friday 5 June 2009 17:38

what i want to know is when he finish masturbating and busted a nutt who cleaned up the semen????

hahaha6 0

Friday 5 June 2009 17:38

#33- Read the FML. How would the lady see him masturbating if her were in the mens bathroom? And yes, public masturbation IS illegal because that would mean that you are exposing yourself. Also, yes you would investigate first before calling, I would hope the OP would be smart enough to do that but then again, this is the FML website...

Chubtubdaplaya 0

Friday 5 June 2009 17:42

You didn't tell him to stop, or offer to help him out?? YDI! :P

420bliss 0

Friday 5 June 2009 17:51

ewww. you did not have to wait for him to finish before closing. a cafe closes at a certain time and you should have yelled across the room "WE'RE CLOSED, NOW GET THE HELL OUT!"