Intimacy: Captain Jack

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 403

You deserved it 43 607

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

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Same thing different taste

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 420

You deserved it 6 868

By anonymous - 03/06/2013 04:41 - United States - Banner Elk

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 959

You deserved it 18 299

Tiger King

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 234

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 06:59 - United States - Atwater

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 607

You deserved it 2 704

By JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 966

You deserved it 4 730

Get it on

By xomelodygervais - 08/11/2013 14:00 - Canada - Timmins

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 984

You deserved it 6 188

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 305

You deserved it 4 750

Try it, you never know…

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 10:34 - United States - Sanford

Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 334

You deserved it 7 060

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 50 999

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 22:08 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 944

You deserved it 17 812

alstbv12 13

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:06

I guess he wanted to try the one-eyed pirate with you.

alissa222 15

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:09

At least he tried?

Comments

wubbazugg 5

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:23

Just watch out where he sets his peg leg.

Steve95401 49

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:25

Be careful what you ask for as you may get it.

Feared 9

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:31

Or you could turn him off, and say that your poop deck needs a good scrubbing first.

TheVoicesTalk 3

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:31

OP, laugh. Point at him and laugh

crazyjemjem 6

Sunday 12 August 2012 14:44

He didn't point and laugh when she asked him to try to spice it up. Most people are so scared to ask for things like that and the other half is scared to make that kind of request come true. I give them both points for trying.

john443 5

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:32

"why couldn't the 11 year old get into the pirate movie? It was rated R" - Squidward

gracehi 31

Sunday 12 August 2012 6:00

I think you mean, "It was rated AAAAAAAAAAR!!"

swedeNix 13

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:35

Be carefull what u wish for, u just might get it:)

reject214 10

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:41

What are you complaining about? He did what you asked. Freakin women are never satisfied.

mikeymayhem_87 15

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:41

Maybe OP should dress as a ninja?

br0ccoli 14

Sunday 12 August 2012 5:42

I love how guys just play coy like they don't understand. OP, your husband is a character. I bet you get lots of laughs out of his antics. You should say, "Aye captain! I'm going to polish that wooden leg!"

skullofdarkness 18

Sunday 12 August 2012 6:51

I don't think he was playing coy, generally it's not that we're playing coy, it's that women are so ******* cryptic!

br0ccoli 14

Sunday 12 August 2012 7:14

Maybe not playing coy, but just treating it like a joke. "I'm going to slay your pussy, wench" is not a mood setter and definitely would make a girl laugh. It's okay. I'm sure his wit and good sense of humor made up for the fact that he's no Casanova. We women just want to feel wanted, appreciated and looked at like a sex goddess every now and then. It's not cryptic.