Miscellaneous: Ciphered

Ciphered

By ewww - 26/08/2012 09:21 - United States - Seattle

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substitution cipher, using literary references. As they're both literature professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 060

You deserved it 2 550

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Same thing different taste

Butt of the joke

By Dan - 18/09/2024 20:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my family doesn't actually use the secret codeword we've had since childhood for when we’re in trouble. They've just been saying it around me for years because they thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 13:12 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 180

You deserved it 2 613

Book club gone wild!

By TheWriter - 01/09/2017 04:30

Today, during a family gathering, my mom, grandmother, and aunts started talking about an erotic novel they're all reading on Amazon. My cousin asked for the writer's name and I heard my pseudonym in response. My entire family is reading my horribly-written porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 497

You deserved it 1 521

The book of revelations

By JSeth - 04/07/2009 16:52 - Canada

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in tenth grade. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 784

You deserved it 10 182

Words are hard

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 18:50 - United States - Temperance

Today, I had to slowly explain to my son that an "analogy" is a literary device, not a genre of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 895

You deserved it 3 491

The real Zodiac killer?

By Anonymous - 21/09/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I told my husband that we should write down all our passwords so we don't forget them. Later, after he'd left, I pulled out his password sheet to do a little snooping, only to learn that he'd written them in some sort of bizarre cipher. What's he hiding? FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 164

By wittlegirl - 13/07/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 364

You deserved it 4 006

By ewmomew - 12/09/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 700

You deserved it 9 383

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 23:01

Today, I was texting my boyfriend while in the car with my family. He sent a particularly racy text, and my little sister happened to look over at my phone and then asked quite loudly, "What does anal mean?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 1 176

This needs an explanation

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 06:00

Today, I sent an email to several coworkers about an "incident" I had just created, asking them to look into it. It wasn't until one of them responded that I discovered that instead of "incident" I had typed "incest." I wish I could say this was a typo or autocorrect, but it was more a Freudian slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 865

holeyman 8

Sunday 26 August 2012 19:53

I wish my parents were that smart so I didn't have to hear them talk about sex.

Welshite 39

Sunday 26 August 2012 19:53

Start talking in their cipher. That will freak them out.

Comments

Luisaaaaaah_ 3

Sunday 26 August 2012 20:50

Some Dirty parents you got there.

pokefan813 16

Sunday 26 August 2012 22:53

At least they tried covering it up...

Kyle225 3

Sunday 26 August 2012 20:58

Your words amuse me.

iDaniel525 8

Sunday 26 August 2012 21:01

Kind of reminds me of the book, "How to Read Literature Like a Professor." When talking about sex, it isn't really about sex. When not talking about sex, it really is about sex.

RK626 7

Sunday 26 August 2012 21:03

Sometimes being a geek sucks

Spectre529 12

Sunday 26 August 2012 21:12

do they have degrees in their field? xD

Maybelline008 10

Sunday 26 August 2012 21:26

They're professors. I doubt they used Microsoft Word to fabricate their degrees.

Psych101 9

Sunday 26 August 2012 22:06

41- Yeah, that would be ridiculous. I use Microsoft Paint.

benhd1 14

Monday 27 August 2012 2:55

Nope, they're only professors.

mikeymayhem_87 15

Sunday 26 August 2012 21:19

Maybe your mom is a fan of the ol' Tom Sawyer? Or perhaps a fan of the Shakespeare?

perdix 29

Sunday 26 August 2012 21:45

There's no author named Dirty Sanchez. If his name comes up, stop kissing your parents on the face! My mind boggles at what Kurt Vonnegut could refer to.

sens3sfailing 24

Tuesday 28 August 2012 18:32

I thought I had a perverted mind until all these references escaped their sexual meaning at first. Now I feel...normal...

sasha_is_my_name 5

Sunday 26 August 2012 22:13

Wtf....

RedPillSucks 31

Sunday 26 August 2012 22:27

Is it possible that you got it wrong? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

FarSide 22

Monday 27 August 2012 3:56

Not after Bill Clinton gets his hands on it.

br0ccoli 14

Sunday 26 August 2012 23:24

Hm and here I thought "I love sausage" would suffice to confuse people of my intentions. Substitution ciphon? I'm totally using that now. "I'm going to enjoy eating some fava beans and a nice chianti while 'reading' 50 Shades of Grey." Aka tonight is going to be a night of eating delicious human flesh and mixed with tons of bondage. *wink wink*