Sex, Awkward, Seduction and Love: Come to bed eyes

Come to bed eyes

By marshmallowssss - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I just finished having dinner with my boyfriend, so I leaned over to him and said seductively, "How about some dessert?" Obviously, he didn't catch my tone, because he then looked at me and said, "Babe, you really don't need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 539

You deserved it 9 523

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Same thing different taste

By KaiyaOtaku1 - 14/07/2014 23:48 - United States - Seattle

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 875

You deserved it 6 657

By Clementine - 27/11/2012 11:36 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 204

You deserved it 4 630

Awful line of inquiry

By teddyissmall - 14/04/2014 06:29 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 056

You deserved it 7 428

Yummy

By Cupcakes - 15/04/2013 05:11 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 656

You deserved it 53 754

Smooth talker

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 766

You deserved it 8 264

Say it

By Her - 06/11/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. We were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say, "I love you". So I told him to, "say it already." Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 444

You deserved it 5 566

By Andrew - 12/10/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 352

You deserved it 13 389

By sarajj - 29/03/2013 21:36 - United States - Littleton

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 690

You deserved it 9 297

By Noname - 05/03/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 845

You deserved it 5 442

Prince Charming

By muskogee - 20/09/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 356

jackson7787 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 1:32

Ha, someone's not getting anything tonight anymore.

greenfairy_fml 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 1:50

damn, the stories on here about what guys say to their girlfriends make me feel really glad I'm single

Comments

deegee617 0

Friday 13 March 2009 1:19

i'm sorry why are you dating this idiot again?

pinkfrenchrose 5

Friday 13 March 2009 5:49

If that had happened to me, I woulda kicked him were the sun don't shine. haha

JSamson 0

Friday 13 March 2009 19:51

Lol, lots of whiny fatties in these comments - if you're fat you deserved it.

LauRAWRen 0

Friday 13 March 2009 20:50

it's funny, but still that was mean haha

mothfather 0

Friday 13 March 2009 21:23

That's actually really funny.

VioletED 0

Saturday 14 March 2009 1:28

considering he took your suggestion literally, he obviously has been thinking about your weight more than your body as a sex object. so deal with that. if you love him and want to have a healthy/sexy life with him then lose weight.

Moomoomoo_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 3:50

Sounds like something i would do...

Sassfactory 0

Monday 16 March 2009 4:52

#11 wins.

halohalo27 3

Monday 16 March 2009 7:57

lol thats too funny why do all the fml comments about boyfriends have these assholes who tell their gf's they are fat, cuz you really arent supposed to do that. im a guy and i know that, goddamn