Miscellaneous: Corny jokes

Corny jokes

By embarrassed - 12/07/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 343

You deserved it 12 701

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By Anonymous - 10/08/2015 00:37 - United States - Plano

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. While I was trying to change into tight jeans, which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled, "It's the Mommy Show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 811

You deserved it 2 556

By Anonymous - 16/02/2013 00:39 - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 811

You deserved it 3 779

By FattestUgliestPerson - 18/01/2014 09:45 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 180

You deserved it 7 691

By Dammit... - 20/11/2010 02:45 - United States

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 259

You deserved it 3 691

Stars of CCTV

By Stfu lil brat smh - 26/03/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I spotted a lady who had the last of an item I wanted in her cart. She went off to the dressing room, so seeing my opportunity, I went and grabbed it from her cart, and put it in mine. I hadn't noticed her bratty-ass daughter next to the cart, who then yelled, “I saw that! Mommy! Some lady's stealing from your cart!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 1 971

Unnecessary

By Ava K - 01/10/2019 16:02 - United States - San Diego

Today, my mom and I were looking at dresses for me at the mall. The cashier pointed out a dress, and my mom said, "She's definitely not going to fit into that. She's too flat-chested." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 178

By woopwoop - 18/04/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 222

You deserved it 10 894

By anonymous22kittylicklick - 20/08/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 483

You deserved it 2 845

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 08:28 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 167

You deserved it 3 833

Wait, what?

By HereToLaughAtU - 18/11/2014 04:16 - United States - Des Moines

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 494

You deserved it 4 810

MrGlad 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:44

Cool mom, lol. I wish my mom was like that...

Pb_lily 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:45

Oh get over yourself. Your mom is funny.

Comments

blumpkin69 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:53

thys what she told me :)

albinorhino 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:53

Fail

albinorhino 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:53

Fail

fml_is_so_funny 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:55

wow

Curtieeeez 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:55

Maybe don't hang around teenagers though if you're like, 40+.. Might be a bit.. suspicious. D: Asif it didn't reply to #19. FAIL.

lobby0ne 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:55

"thats what she said" jokes are getting very annoying, but OP your mom's cool!

speedracer123 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:57

awesome

irrelevantxx 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:58

All thanks to The Office. Hahaha

kyle_kbo20 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:58

how is this even a fml

flor1dagator7 0

Sunday 12 July 2009 23:59

Wow my mom probably doesn't even know the "Thats what she said" joke. You're lucky your mom is cool like that

Keywords

Thanksgiving Politics Holidays Miscellaneous Family Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Scary Christmas Sex Awkward Weddings Singing Embarrassing My ex Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Parenting

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Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said, "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 057

You deserved it 55 282

You’re probably wondering what this website is all about. Well, it’s basically a bunch of people who had enough humor to tell you all about their shitty lives, and what it was that made their day suck a big fat one. Some are sad in funny way, som...

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 13

The Top

Today, I found out my dentist is retiring. This wouldn't be that big of a deal except that if we want to transfer our dental records to a new dentist we have to do it before he retires and there's a $30 processing fee per person. Three of us use that dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 92

Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 865

You deserved it 2 199

Today, my husband ran our car into a fence at work. He had to file an insurance claim, with a company we only just got with, and it's going to deplete the rest of our taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 175

Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 590

You deserved it 734

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 155

You deserved it 1 506

Today, I went to work on my day off for some overtime. I’m not to leave my position until relief arrives. Twelve hours after my shift was supposed to be over, my boss calls me, asking if I can work another 8 hours at a different post, not knowing I’ve already worked 20 hours straight because the system rebooted. I didn’t get paid overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 192

Corny jokes

Same thing different taste

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