Intimacy: Emergency

Emergency

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of two years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307 275

You deserved it 20 888

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Same thing different taste

By bubbalicious - 13/08/2009 20:57 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 711

You deserved it 87 016

Freakout

By Anonymous - 09/05/2014 22:03 - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 332

You deserved it 4 320

Oh, hi Mark!

By Anonymous - 26/08/2012 05:46 - United States - Olympia

Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 048

You deserved it 3 929

Disrespectful

By awskme - 09/01/2010 00:36 - France

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfriend of nine months. She was making a lot of noise, so I told her to keep it down, and reminded her that my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later, I got a text from my sister, saying my parents wanted to make sure I was wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 849

You deserved it 29 096

Oh no…

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 961

You deserved it 259

By FullMonty - 15/09/2012 23:26 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my 2-year-old sister walked in on me while I was showering. She began to splash around in the toilet, and as I hastily jumped out to stop her, my brother and his friend got a good look as they walked past the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 074

You deserved it 3 992

By Ribbed for Her Disaster - 04/04/2013 16:04 - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 440

You deserved it 19 456

By scot - 02/09/2012 15:38 - United States - Granby

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 271

You deserved it 13 989

By Anonymous - 26/07/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 012

You deserved it 8 974

By lolk - 10/03/2013 07:41 - United States - Little Rock

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 713

You deserved it 41 688

YOUNGSMUTTY 0

Monday 4 May 2009 10:08

That's sad. I hope your grandma's alright! You're such a sweet boy for going home to help her. I'll take your virginity ;) Haha jk.

shortandloud 0

Monday 4 May 2009 10:09

That sucks about not getting sex but I have to say that the whole getting stuck between the bowl and the wall is pretty hilarious.

Comments

QfiggyQ 10

Thursday 16 September 2010 3:46

Why did you pick up the phone?

pokeyman217 0

Wednesday 6 October 2010 15:14

haha 2 years with out sex seriously I'm 13 and I had sex with someone after knowing them for like an hour... fyl

Mielad 0

Friday 17 December 2010 23:47

Seriously, what are you.. A man-*****?

MizzKrista 0

Saturday 9 October 2010 11:33

that sucks but.... bwhahahah the last part made me laugh a little!

Oo0kissez0oO 0

Wednesday 15 December 2010 5:46

Lmfao

GiggityGiggityGo_fml 8

Sunday 6 March 2011 14:18

#271 you ******* *****

saarim 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 4:39

everything happens for a reason maybe ur gf had a penis and god didnt want you to find out untill later im just saying

Bstaut 8

Sunday 3 April 2011 19:40

hahaha i read this "i was about to lose my virginity with my 9 year old sister" lol

Bstaut 8

Sunday 3 April 2011 19:40

hahaha i read this "i was about to lose my virginity with my 9 year old sister" lol

MarijaunaEqualsH 0

Monday 4 April 2011 4:26

Epic COCKBLOCK! :D

imhere6969 1

Wednesday 6 April 2011 3:22

cocked blocked by grandma

Keywords

Love Cheating Awkward Engagement ring Jewelry Miscellaneous Shopping Technology Cute Kids Scary Pranks Embarrassing Underwear Students College Life School Education Ironic Health Weddings Work Mental health Empathy Annoying University Confused AITA Sex Divorce

The Top

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 342

You deserved it 3 360

Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 409

The Top

Today, I received an email asking for a Skype interview at 11 am sharp. I waited for half an hour. He never even accepted my contact request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 871

You deserved it 938

Today, I made myself a smoothie with fruits and wild greens, which tasted much better than it looked, so I licked the splashes off the blender’s lid. Including a stray leaf that didn’t get blended. Which turned out to be stinging nettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 877

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 047

You deserved it 3 076

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 111

Today, my supervisor at work is now my father-in-law. My girlfriend told me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 184

Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 363