Intimacy: Final push

Final push

By satisfied88 - 02/06/2011 14:49

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost three months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 732

You deserved it 16 065

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Same thing different taste

Poor performance

By Anonymous - 28/12/2022 03:00

Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 323

First time

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 258

Finally!

By oppsiedaisey - 02/09/2019 12:00

Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 370

Time for some DIY

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 22:00

Today, my husband and I were home alone and we wanted to do the nasty multiple times before our kids got back from school. He lasted less than two minutes, then fell asleep. It's been 6 weeks since my last orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 375

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 133

You deserved it 4 527

Just once

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 201

By anonomous - 07/04/2012 15:27 - United States

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 965

You deserved it 46 351

Good question

By Juliett - 29/08/2019 19:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 310

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 225

You deserved it 3 492

By hiccups - 03/11/2012 15:52 - United States - New York

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 055

You deserved it 3 686

doc_j 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:06

what in the world. a bag a chips? break it to ur husband that hes never gonna do it for you unless he cums skittles in ur mouth from now on

khaya 9

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:24

What would you do for a bag of jelly beans?

Comments

frozenfreeze 5

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:27

What did you scream when you orgasmed? Oh my God Lays? Holy crap Doritos?

jenjen0146 7

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:28

that's f' awesome! hahahaha laughed so hard I nearly peed myself

amadais 1

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:35

he knows that, he bought them for you

sillylolo 6

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:36

lmao nice

jewknowit710 2

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:36

she doesnt seem the one to enjoy fruit. maybe try doughnuts or little debby products!

no_clue_4_u 4

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:40

Well I guess we can only IMAGINE what you would do for a Klondike Bar!!!

HannahLouise96 13

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:42

Bet you enjoyed eating those chips afterwards...

TKrisha_fml 5

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:43

Lol, a bag of chips can give you an orgasim but but husband can't. Wow that is truely messed. F**k Your Husbands Life (FYHL)

ff8masterc 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:44

you fat f***

SnookieBaybie 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:48

ass hole

zemma_soup 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 19:47

nom non nom

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The Top

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 937

You deserved it 6 045

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 849

You deserved it 7 489

The Top

Today, I applied for a job as a secretary. As I sat in the waiting room, the interviewer came out with his wife. She gave me a once-over, then said to her husband, "Hire this one. She's so ugly, you would never have an affair with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 172

You deserved it 2 094

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 931

You deserved it 358

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 399

You deserved it 7 886

Today, I asked my parents to babysit my kids for an hour so that I could visit the doctor for my asthma, which has worsened over the past two days. Apparently I'm a bad mother, and it's OK if I stop breathing, but shouldn't leave my kids to go out alone. My husband was at the gym the entire evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 143

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said, "You know? I like little girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 363

You deserved it 61 118

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 981

You deserved it 7 445

Same thing different taste

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