Sex, Sextoys and Intimacy: Freaky

Freaky

By Anonymous - 27/08/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex yet, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite." Now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 829

You deserved it 5 007

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Same thing different taste

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By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 576

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 024

You deserved it 11 617

By possibly fucked - 22/06/2014 20:34 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 896

You deserved it 9 551

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Erik Monkey - 27/04/2022 07:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 259

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 13/07/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 747

You deserved it 8 517

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 207

You deserved it 3 765

Bigger than...

By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 507

You deserved it 521

By Anonymous - 16/08/2015 15:49

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 939

You deserved it 3 571

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 381

You deserved it 3 436

rockr_chick 5

Friday 27 August 2010 16:32

its going to be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway

Smyth 3

Friday 27 August 2010 16:37

A forearm sized *****? She set herself up for disappointment with that one.

Comments

criminalmind 10

Friday 27 August 2010 16:37

this is a real FmL when she pulls out the pointed ***** and asks which you prefer. Well at least you can say "I'm a little torn up on the inside."

dave04045 1

Friday 27 August 2010 16:37

Well...there goes your sex life

Smyth 3

Friday 27 August 2010 16:37

A forearm sized *****? She set herself up for disappointment with that one.

ShowStopper68 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:39

I agree 14 I agree.

xohockeyfreak10x 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:40

ohh jeez. she's a keeper ;p

Peacemaker9 7

Friday 27 August 2010 16:41

WTF!!!!! op ur so screwed....lol

rebbee 0

Friday 27 August 2010 16:41

I would be scared to see her naked! Her hooha is probably the size of the Grand Canyon from using that! You could probably fit a fist or two up her. Yuck. Unless you like Loosey gooseys?