Intimacy: Get out of here - FML

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Get out of here

By Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 880

You deserved it 5 988

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Same thing different taste

Life goals

By ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 575

You deserved it 3 891

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Spicy

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 991

You deserved it 42 041

Grossed out

By ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Spicy

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 526

You deserved it 6 534

Sounds hot

By oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 036

You deserved it 9 498

Nice try

By Anonymous - 02/11/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of 4 weeks tried to use sex to manipulate me. After sex, I was blissful and half asleep, which is the time she chose to tell me she has some credit card debt and could I please help her pay it off. £27,000. Yeah, no. Don’t let the door hit you on the way back to the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 118

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 236

You deserved it 5 976

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Spicy

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 113

By Big B - 04/02/2009 17:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 061

You deserved it 45 562

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 724

You deserved it 24 341

By Go away - 10/11/2013 08:03 - United States - Humboldt

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 553

You deserved it 4 724

Next

Top comments

Garzoo 4

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:43

Wow. She's a keeper!

kut19 6

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:45

Too cheap to spring for the prostitute?

Comments

XmyviolentheartX 13

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:03

It's a trap! Lol.

maryam8869 7

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:19

agree.

ObsessedWithMe 13

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:12

Just accept that sometimes women just aren't in the mood to **** and take the money so you can at least enjoy yourself. She obviously wouldn't mind the small infidelity.

maryam8869 7

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:15

may be she wanna save herself till marrige.

GreenDancingBear 7

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:17

hey, most girlfriends would be pissed if you went to a strip club... yours pays for it!

Enslaved 36

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:18

So she rather you go to a strip club and come back home even more hornier than before? "There is no sex in the Champaign room."

alyspar2 5

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:20

I feel the love here!

Mirorbo 26

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:22

Geez... I'm all for the idea of putting sex on the low end of the priority list, or saving yourself for marriage, but that sort of delivery seems a little cold.

DontForgetMe4 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:26

Wow! She must really not want to have sex with you...hahahahaha.

Red_Wing_Nut44 14

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:36

Well than take the damn money!

NOWAYJOSE 14

Tuesday 3 January 2012 12:41

Maybe she has herpes and wants to keep you in the dark.

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You deserved it 162

Today, during a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it. FML

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The Top

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You deserved it 3 200

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You deserved it 3 984

Today, I went with my wife to her work picnic. Some guy I don't know slapped her on the butt. I was ready to deck the creep, but my wife giggled and said, "Oh relax, it doesn't mean a thing. He does that all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 102

Today, my penis isn't so small that I pee on my balls. It's so small that it fits between the toilet and toilet seat, causing me to pee all over the floor full stream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 131

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I agree, your life sucks 23 876

You deserved it 2 849