Awkward, Drugs and Work: Good job, son! - FML

Good job, son!

By peeepeee. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left, all for taking a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 022

You deserved it 4 544

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Top comments

snavula 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:01

A drug test for a volunteer job? That's outrageous. What's wrong with a drug addict who wants to help? They're not getting paid..

loveyababe 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 1:56

had that happen before. sucks

Comments

Gdoogy 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:36

Congratulations. We're so proud of you.

ily123xo 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:39

Haha awh

lovex3_fml 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:40

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

youtastegood99 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:41

I've spent hours at the doctor's office before because Icouldn't pee...they ended up sending me home with the cup...

jillz 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:46

Gee, what kinds of people was the room full with? A bunch of moms with little kids in the potty training phase or something? This one did make me laugh though.

Nightfallz 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:47

Hah I moderated this it was funny. I can pee on command :)

bosco_kk 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:47

Lol I had a friend like that in mid school. He spent at least half an hour in the bathroom, trying to pee lol. Everyone else peed fast.

plaidrabbit 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:55

Man, that's commitment. I bet the organization you are volunteering for will appreciate it :)

Button_x 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 2:58

(Everyone saying this isn't an FML): This obviously isn't an FML because he couldn't piss...well, not JUST because he couldn't piss, but I found it hilarious picturing him walking out with a cup of his urine and everyone clapping. I thought the whole scenario was the FML thing. And really, what do you expect when you come here? "Today, everyone in my family died in a car crash, my dog died and I have cancer. FML". It's for embarrassing and humorous bad luck stories too.

shepp959 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 3:00

haha dont worry it happened to me once. it took me two hours and lots of water to eventually go enough to use.

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The Top

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, with whom I've been with for four years. I've been in Australia for the last two months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 965

You deserved it 262

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 339

You deserved it 19 746

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 14 711

You deserved it 117 324

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 247

You deserved it 9 212

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 4 617

Today, I found out my husband and I are banned from family gatherings, all because he was my sister’s ex-husband. They need to come to terms with #1, that was 2 years ago; #2 we’re obviously a better fit for one another. If he was "the One", he’d still be hers; #3 you can’t force someone to love you when they don’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 2 139

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 604

You deserved it 19 759

Today, my boss threatened to fire me. Why? An old lady spent 30 minutes looking at our menu before asking for "cottage pie." After telling her that it wasn't an item on the menu, she spent another 20 minutes deciding. She then asked for several more items we didn't have, then complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 398

You deserved it 114