Love, Transportation, Cars and My ex: Guilty - FML

Guilty

By jamienicole1993 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Savannah

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 924

You deserved it 3 338

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

I'm OK!

By MAC. - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 446

You deserved it 6 039

You've got mail

By guest - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend that said, "I love you." Thinking this meant he'd changed his mind about breaking up with me less than 24 hours before, I replied back excitedly. Turns out that was a text sent last weekend that didn't go through until now. What great timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 457

You deserved it 2 080

Which side are you on?

By thefuckman - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 951

You deserved it 1 718

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 248

You deserved it 1 256

Effed up

By sunny_funny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 352

You deserved it 1 193

Sketchy

By Wolf - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 876

You deserved it 2 469

Safe bet

By Hit-and-Run - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Juárez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 361

You deserved it 3 283

Just browsing

By OneGirlsLife - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, someone tried to break into my car. They tried to do so by jamming a key into my lock, only for the key to break. I guess the key cut their hand, because I had the pleasure of finding the person's blood all over my passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 042

You deserved it 290

Watch out!

By FlyLikeABird - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 904

You deserved it 4 446

By grrrr - 12/02/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 136

You deserved it 48 220

Next

Top comments

ifunnyftw 10

Thursday 5 February 2015 18:41

Reply: "Before you ask if I called the cops, the answer is yes."

WCARlover 34

Thursday 5 February 2015 18:40

Restraining order asap

Comments

SalvagedPancake 10

Thursday 5 February 2015 20:24

If I were you I'd call the police and keep the text as evidence. Sorry OP

ProfessorMctitie 20

Thursday 5 February 2015 20:26

Go take a shit on her windshield and have a note that says before you ask me, yes you have shit on your window

gintwinsmoore 20

Friday 6 February 2015 15:07

doesn't top a broken window that costs money to replace though...

Britt125 16

Thursday 5 February 2015 20:30

You just gotta get them to specify that is actually what they were referring to, and then you have a confession if you want to call the cops, which I would.

Staresti 6

Thursday 5 February 2015 20:31

I like how everyone is assuming it's a girl that's that's crazy. OP is a woman, heterosexual people are the majority, so it's most likely a guy who did it.

camogirl2249 19

Thursday 5 February 2015 22:32

Oooh good call lol!

DestinysChampion 17

Thursday 5 February 2015 20:34

Easy proof for vandalism charge. Hope the repairs aren't too costly.

gabagabaheyu 10

Thursday 5 February 2015 21:36

well now you can call the cops

WriterB 3

Thursday 5 February 2015 21:51

At least you can sue the idiot for damages now.

kellyem2 20

Thursday 5 February 2015 22:26

Whelp, at least he was smart enough to provide you with evidence for the cops.

StevoKing666 18

Thursday 5 February 2015 22:33

This person is a bitch or asshole (depending on the gender), why do people have to act like this

exuberant_orange 17

Thursday 5 February 2015 22:39

Well at least he gave you proof of who did it! Time to call the cops!

1
2
3
4
5

Keywords

Miscellaneous Shopping Health Medication Animals Birds Anger issues Embarrassing Weddings Pranks YouTube TikTok Dogs Cute Work AITA Parents Intimacy Sex Awkward Frustration Mental health Relatable Technology Annoying Transportation Poopoo peepee Love Am I overreacting? Lonely

The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 63

Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 968

You deserved it 3 903

The Top

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 271 471

You deserved it 17 959

Today, my now-ex bf actually gave me the, “If we don’t have trust, we don’t have anything” speech when I caught him commenting “Soooooooo sexy! I’d hit that 24/7/365” on a girl’s photo on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 252

Today, I was running to catch a bus and when I finally got on, the driver closed the door on me. My arm is now entirely purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 585

You deserved it 352

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 092

You deserved it 20 576

Today, I gave my boss a two-month notice. He threatened me by saying he wouldn't provide a reference if I quit in July instead of August. I need the reference to pursue my dream to work in the USA as a nanny. I have no other choice, I either work under their pressure or start all over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 663

You deserved it 149

Today, I signed the divorce papers my wife gave me. When I went to bed, she was on the phone talking to her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 642

You deserved it 3 071