Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: How could you? - FML

How could you?

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 505

You deserved it 36 983

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Same thing different taste

Kinky

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 183

You deserved it 12 019

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 183

You deserved it 4 857

Equality

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 07:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 231

You deserved it 6 355

By Scabby - 11/04/2012 09:53 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 500

You deserved it 3 641

By fuckyoutoo - 24/03/2013 23:47 - Canada - Armstrong

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 320

You deserved it 9 638

By fuckadaisical - 06/12/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 437

You deserved it 8 902

Funky

By Cleanfreak? - 25/06/2017 00:00 - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 953

You deserved it 597

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 975

You deserved it 4 106

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Spicy

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 782

You deserved it 4 769

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 474

You deserved it 6 039

Next

Top comments

slantyshanty 7

Monday 22 August 2011 8:49

Don't eat stuff in other peoples beds then.

ariannaimelda 7

Monday 22 August 2011 8:49

He could just wipe them off?

Comments

kaykay20 0

Monday 22 August 2011 18:15

Seems fair for making a mess on his bed next time eat at the table so crumbs won't be such a issue. If you are really messy maybe clean up after too.

kewpiesuicide 29

Monday 22 August 2011 18:32

Sounds like my girlfriend lol but at least she still has sex with me

lebronsucks 3

Monday 22 August 2011 18:34

At least he is not with you for the sex.

Masii 3

Monday 22 August 2011 18:52

Whaa? Haha aww mayne to funny.

bullrider92 19

Monday 22 August 2011 18:54

Wow,he must be an idiot if he is going to turn down pussy over a few crumbs.Next time he is in the mood just say no.No reason,just no.

TobyFunke 3

Monday 22 August 2011 19:01

I get annoyed at my girlfriend for this too. It wouldn't be a big deal but she tries to eat the most messy shit in bed, oh lets get a nice bowl of fried rice and then some french bread after you just washed your sheets and comforter, thats cool

theMangoW 6

Monday 22 August 2011 19:39

It seems like time for...the trifecta!

bubo_fml 10

Monday 22 August 2011 19:48

Was that you in the outake credits of "Bridesmaids?" I'm also reminded of Sesame Street, when Bert would warn Ernie not to eat cookies in bed for fear of getting crumbs in the sheets...I guess Bert was planning on some serious **** bonking! Sick world I tell ya!!

johnson8861 0

Monday 22 August 2011 21:28

Never eat in bed eleventh commandment.

davek 36

Monday 22 August 2011 22:41

Too right! You should be in the kitchen making HIM a goddamn sammich.

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The Top

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 711

You deserved it 5 223

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 365

The Top

Today, I decided to dye my hair to freshen up my appearance. I asked my husband for his opinion, expecting him to recommend a color. He then asked me why going on a diet wasn't my first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 916

You deserved it 11 487

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I got a haircut without asking for his permission first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 113

Today, I was out shopping with my little sister. I wanted to try something on, so I put my bag in front of a changing room and jokingly told her to bark if someone came near. She ended up biting a lady who was trying to get into one of the changing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 303

You deserved it 5 509

Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 984

You deserved it 8 852

Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 834

You deserved it 7 462

Today, I overheard my mom telling my aunt what an “attention-seeking drama queen” I’ve been lately. All I asked was that she not smoke around me. I’ve had asthma all my life and am currently recovering from Covid. She thinks it’s all a conspiracy, meanwhile I haven’t taken a deep breath in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 115