Intimacy: It's funny because it's true

It's funny because it's true

By screwed - 22/05/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 779

You deserved it 12 678

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

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Same thing different taste

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 342

You deserved it 9 837

By Anonymousse - 13/11/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 781

You deserved it 1 560

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 62 394

Busted!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1 161

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 132

You deserved it 1 154

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 554

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 440

You deserved it 4 559

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 792

By drunk - 06/03/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 281

You deserved it 40 956

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 259

You deserved it 36 944

xkaokaox 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:15

It's okay... food can't get you preggers.

rrjr010 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:20

She just called herself a ****, your life is fine.

Comments

rice_cake 0

Friday 22 May 2009 12:30

I agree with #28. It kinda sounds like she's just joking. But if she's serious it's her loss. What's the point of drunken sex that you can hardly even remember with someone you don't even know? Any girl can take home a guy if they really want to. I'm sure you could too if you were a desperate ****.

Sah_fml 0

Friday 22 May 2009 12:39

LMAO #8

xClarkGable 0

Friday 22 May 2009 12:42

@27 Just because there is food in her bed does not make her obese, and wtf at the greedy part? OP: Thank the Lord you're not a **** like her.

KennyP55 0

Friday 22 May 2009 12:47

You people take life way too seriously. Who's not to say the girl isn't jokingly calling herself a ****? And more importantly, whats WRONG with being a ****? People like to ****, it's a simple fact. If you don't like "*****" you don't have to be one, nor do you have to be with one. So, get over your little incident and cure cancer, or obesity.

anongrl 2

Tuesday 14 June 2011 6:35

What's wrong with being a ****? What a dumb question.... Sorry hun, so many things are wrong with being a ****.

ch_kisama 0

Friday 22 May 2009 12:49

not and FML...be happy you're not a ****

paperfox_fml 0

Friday 22 May 2009 12:53

So, #29, how many girls have you slept with? Considering you're oh-so-happy to 'take advantage' of 'easy girls', I'm willing to bet you've slept with 10+. But of course that doesn't make you a ****, that makes you a stud, and there's nothing at all wrong with it because you're a maaaaaan. But girls who do that are gross. Yeah. ****.

urbwzrd 0

Friday 22 May 2009 12:54

Just next time, call me! ;)

monkeyz0r 0

Friday 22 May 2009 13:30

LOLZ 8

Tippssy 0

Friday 22 May 2009 13:33

#38: That's because guys are bragging about how much they've earned, whereas girls would be bragging about how much they've given away. It's different. Pirates would be famous for finding tons of treasure; not by having their treasure found by everybody else. =D