Intimacy: It's funny because it's true

It's funny because it's true

By screwed - 22/05/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 779

You deserved it 12 678

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

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Same thing different taste

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 342

You deserved it 9 837

By Anonymousse - 13/11/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 781

You deserved it 1 560

By :( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 269

You deserved it 62 394

Busted!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1 161

Giving

By nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 132

You deserved it 1 154

Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 554

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 440

You deserved it 4 559

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 792

By drunk - 06/03/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 281

You deserved it 40 956

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 259

You deserved it 36 944

xkaokaox 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:15

It's okay... food can't get you preggers.

rrjr010 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:20

She just called herself a ****, your life is fine.

Comments

makjon86 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:45

#27 I smell sitcom. Think about, eh? And 42 is right on.

amazons 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:46

The morning that your roommate wakes up with herpes, you'll have the last laugh.

makjon86 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:58

#49 Its okay, you don't have to pretend any more. We all know you're not getting any right now. And that's fine. However, childish taunting aside, the traditional stereotype is such that the man has to earn his sex. Whereas women "give it away" because it's seen as more difficult for an average man to sleep with a semi-attractive women than the other way around. It is a stereotype, albeit untrue, but it has become a certain urban truth it you will. As for why it's unattractive for women to have all that experience, wouldn't you be wary if Apple decided to give away iPhones for 10 bucks? Don't you think there may be something wrong with them? (this is only relevent after you accept the aforementioned mindset as a truth)

pat2rome 0

Friday 22 May 2009 18:01

F your roommate's life. I'd rather wake up with chips than with herpes.

heavyop 0

Friday 22 May 2009 18:06

#56 You must not have sex that often if you think that you can go "find" or "make" sex somewhere "Hi, How can I help you today?" "Yeah, I'd like one sex please." "Ok, give me a minute while I make it for you." And did anyone stop to think that it could be her roommate's boyfriend that was in the bed?

maddog_fml 0

Friday 22 May 2009 18:29

I don't get it. What's so funny about it to wake up with food in your bed?? :/ That's just ******* gross.

kellster 2

Friday 22 May 2009 18:35

Wow. I'd say you're doing better than she is, but she just called you a pig who doesn't get laid. Find a new roommate, hon!

MrJentipede 2

Friday 22 May 2009 18:35

Your roommate is a ****.

suaveneanderthal 0

Friday 22 May 2009 18:58

hahaha I'm pretty sure i've met you and your roommate. i think you've got some old food under your bed cause your side of the room kinda smelled funny.