Weird, Creepy, Dating, First Dates and Love: Joe Smooth - FML

Joe Smooth

By riiiight - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Warren

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 064

You deserved it 5 931

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Top comments

jizzwold 21

Thursday 30 January 2014 0:37

He sounds like a nice young man.

Welshite 39

Thursday 30 January 2014 0:37

That's when you walk away.

Comments

stoych 19

Thursday 30 January 2014 1:53

Creepy guy. Would have made my excuses and hot footed it outta there! On the other hand, maybe he was really nervous and just said the first thing that came into his head? (Although why that subject was there I don't know)!

buckdharma 36

Thursday 30 January 2014 1:59

There was a young lady who opened his fly. I don't know why she opened his fly, Perhaps he pried. There was a young lady who allowed his spider, That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her. She allowed the spider, out of his fly. But I don't know why she opened his fly. Perhaps she'll lie.

Futacy 29

Thursday 30 January 2014 22:23

The creepiness of your profile pic matches the creepiness of your comment

leo812 11

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:01

freak.... i hope you forget he existed thats just weird.

143amandaott 10

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:03

WTF!

Bilbo_Swaggins 5

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:19

Well do you?

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:24

Crabs I know...but spiders I have no clue...

JMichael 25

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:28

Should of said nope but I know how a guinea pig feels!

brianlarkin 7

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:39

He's a keeper

mattrd_fml 31

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:47

Sounds like a winner!

awilliams44 9

Thursday 30 January 2014 2:52

he's a freak..

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, my laptop was slow so I used my husband’s laptop. I went to the bedroom and found it opened, so I moved the trackpad and it powered on. The first thing I see is a page with redhead porn, and another tab with nude redheads. You know who else is a redhead? The new girl at his job he tells me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 132

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 572

You deserved it 6 604

The Top

Today, I gave a toast at my friend's wedding. When I said, "Everybody raise your glasses," an industrial fan went off and blew my dress over my head. Now, people won't stop talking about how my "blue granny panties" didn't match my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 192

Today, in the middle of blizzard, I hopped out of my car to rescue a small white cat that darted across the street in front of me. After running in the snow to find it, I realized what I'd seen wasn't a cat at all. It was a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 591

You deserved it 1 461

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 428

You deserved it 4 377

Today, I had an all day volleyball tournament in a town an hour away. My dad left early, not realizing he was my ride home. I'm now stranded in the middle of a rural town with no way home anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 322

You deserved it 4 040

Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 156

You deserved it 2 962

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 543

You deserved it 2 931