Intimacy: Meh

Meh

By Meh - 18/07/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex Tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was naked and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 122

You deserved it 8 547

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Same thing different taste

It's business time

By anonymous - 17/03/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 206

You deserved it 4 108

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 06:57 - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 305

You deserved it 4 750

Jumping to conclusions

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 765

You deserved it 3 573

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 113

You deserved it 6 511

By dwood08 - 07/11/2014 01:55 - United States - New York

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 023

You deserved it 15 919

By Tonya - 28/06/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 242

You deserved it 7 780

Buzzing the tower

By Princess ? - 12/04/2020 14:00

Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 283

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 578

You deserved it 49 775

By Desertdryspell - 20/12/2018 14:00

Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 565

You deserved it 240

By ChopSuey - 01/06/2016 04:02 - United States - West Monroe

Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 912

You deserved it 1 626

luckynotso 0

Saturday 18 July 2009 20:02

tell him to shove it!! what an ass!!

jjenniferr05 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 0:34

What the **** is wrong with people?! Way to put the poor woman down even further, seriously. A woman does put on weight, not have her old looks as she gets older.. True love is about loving someone, for who they are. And truly, if he really had a problem, then he should have sat her down and sensitively talked about how he felt she wasn't doing herself justice. You don't even know that she's put on weight, or that she's let herself go, He could just be being a dick! The people on here sometimes make me so angry. No one should ever be talked to like that - 'I forgot you looked like that' - that's downright outrageous! She's probably had kids, and kept the weight from it, Or perhaps she has a few wrinkles cause she doesn't have botox. Honest to god. People are so obsessed with looks these days - they do matter, but if you love someone, you love them no matter what.

Comments

echarperouge 0

Monday 20 July 2009 6:53

Dear, you don't need scheduled sex, you need marriage counseling.

Hoax_fml 0

Monday 20 July 2009 7:35

41,36,38? How tall are you, like 6.5ft? Otherwise... I'd say you were quite husky.

lor4eto 0

Monday 20 July 2009 13:39

ookkaaayyyy to all the feminists or whatever writing on here, get over yourselves. its not that hard to stay in shape. i hate how when women (im not saying ONLY women. just cuz it goes with this FML) get married, they let themselves get fat and flabby and yucky just because they think they've already "won over" the man and they dont have to keep trying anymore just cuz they're married, and then they're sooooo surprised when it turns out that the man has a lover on the side. jeeeeez. its her own fault. i wouldnt want to have sex with someone that i wasnt attracted to, so why would he?