Miscellaneous: Meth heads

Meth heads

By Noname - 10/03/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methamphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 299

You deserved it 3 428

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Same thing different taste

By ahhahaha - 12/08/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year-old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 980

You deserved it 4 698

By nodad - 11/10/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 039

You deserved it 2 342

At last!

By thehumanshield - 05/08/2011 08:41 - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 214

You deserved it 2 808

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 15/06/2023 10:00

Today, I caught my dad stealing my money again, after I'd warned him he was on his last chance. I threw him out, since he’s been sleeping rough on my sofa. He reported me to the authorities for "elder abuse" and showed them fresh bruises I know the conniving old bastard gave himself. I was handcuffed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 94

Ironic

By Anonymous - 20/03/2022 16:00

Today, my dad yelled at me for using legal marijuana to help treat my potentially terminal cancer, which is kind of hypocritical for the man who spent significant portions of my childhood in jail for selling cocaine to rich high school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 108

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 245

You deserved it 3 407

By Joe Lizen - 07/08/2012 01:40 - United States - New Lenox

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 200

You deserved it 2 182

Sneaky dad

By say no to dick - 18/04/2014 22:56 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 746

You deserved it 43 597

Raincheck

By sadnj - 23/01/2017 15:30

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 391

You deserved it 415

The war on drugs

By Anonymous - 29/09/2022 12:30

Today, my dad caught me vaping. From the volume of his yelling, you’d think he caught me sniffing cocaine out of a prostitute's ass crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 1 203

jennaleighhh 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:28

your dads retired at 58??

littlec_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:21

haha where'd you think he got your allowance money from?

Comments

Amkii 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:53

Your dad is awesome!

TheAlxEnigma 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:54

thats epic win! not fml!

aeriebirds428 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:15

lol ik its serious but this made me laugh

5jen5 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:18

lmao I heard this on the radio yesterday on the game "where did they hide it" oh jeeze thats a riot

juliee166 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:19

hahhahahhahahah thats hilarious

lupinchapman 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 1:07

ur dad is only 58 and you put him in a retirement home?! my dad is 62 and did a skye dive last week

will73 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 2:02

From Geneva County IMO.

jennaboo 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 3:02

i heard this on the news last week.

Auzzman 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 3:35

thats frickin awesome he must be a badass

finally31 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 3:50

wahts wrong with that, id be relieved to kno my dad was doing something other than being a goody two shoe

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The Top

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 359

You deserved it 5 630

Today, I decided to use the disabled toilet in work to get a little extra privacy while I did my business. The cleaners who unlocked the door from the outside and barged in on me were nice and waited until I finished to apologize and explain there were complaints the door had been locked for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 480

The Top

Today, I found out that my work threw me a birthday party alongside my coworker’s birthday. Said coworker spread a rumor, telling everyone that I wanted each person to buy me flowers and cake. Everyone thought that I was a weirdo for asking for those things from them. I wasn't at work today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 93

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss's new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off." She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 152

You deserved it 4 406

Today, at work, a mosquito landed on my brand new tattoo. Without thinking, I slapped it. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 377

You deserved it 1 486

Today, while on a nature hike with friends. I tried to take a selfie at the edge of a cliff with the majestic view as a backdrop, but I slipped and dropped my phone. It's now RIP (resting in pieces) at the bottom of a ravine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 1 112

Today, I spent 30 minutes listening to my crush complain about a stalker that's been sending her flowers and love poems almost every week. It's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 4 380

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 458

You deserved it 19 629

Same thing different taste

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