Wanker and Intimacy: MY EARS! MY EARS!

MY EARS! MY EARS!

By ashbeat - 01/01/2013 15:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 639

You deserved it 4 401

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Same thing different taste

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 118

You deserved it 6 917

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 12 089

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 434

You deserved it 2 728

Post-it time

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 18:00

Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 197

By SleepyKirsty - 09/06/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 758

You deserved it 5 718

Handjob

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 18:00

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 059

You deserved it 906

By Anonymous - 03/01/2009 16:48 - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 692

You deserved it 4 395

I CAN HEAR YOU

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 14:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 152

Revenge is sweet

By Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 713

You deserved it 2 840

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 798

You deserved it 4 923

ollie179 21

Tuesday 1 January 2013 19:31

Well at least he's not saying, "You like that? HUH? DO YA?" "NO! Please stop! AAAAHHHH!" That would be awkward.

heythere131630 9

Tuesday 1 January 2013 19:27

You live with Golem???

Comments

raphael1123 13

Wednesday 2 January 2013 9:41

Next time reply saying, "No, I don't like it," when he asks himself

mosquito19 14

Wednesday 2 January 2013 20:46

he was talking to his hand puppet Jennifer Lopez

Born2die 11

Wednesday 2 January 2013 21:05

Right hand man

Swag12345678910 2

Saturday 5 January 2013 3:48

My Wang needs to be leashed

BlackPhenom 9

Saturday 5 January 2013 6:05

Funniest FML ever. you win.

skylersilcon 3

Saturday 5 January 2013 14:51

You should start masturbating in your room & see who can scream the loudest! :O

no_lungs 16

Sunday 6 January 2013 0:06

Dude, you're the weird one for staying there and listening to him going "HAM" on himself..

hola147 3

Monday 7 January 2013 13:21

.....Aaaaand Boom Goes The Dynamite

winkiwinki 7

Wednesday 9 January 2013 12:14

Disgusting ! ! !

icepick23 12

Wednesday 9 January 2013 21:13

Record it, then play it very loudly next time he has friends over

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The Top

Today, my husband threw up in the shower after drinking almost a whole bottle of wine. The shower won't drain now. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 184

You deserved it 2 950

Today, and for the past week, I’ve had a viral bug. Now I can handle the vomiting, the diarrhoea, headaches, muscle weakness, dizziness, fatigue, and coughing. What I cannot handle is how food and drink now taste bad. Like seriously, even water tastes bad. I’m slowly going insane from lack of flavour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 74

The Top

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 113

You deserved it 5 904

Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 245

Today, my new girlfriend has a purse dog, a chihuahua. The thing is so small, I didn’t see it, tripped over it, and my knee broke its back. It had to be put down. I don’t have a girlfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 372

Today, I was discussing the possibility of other life in the universe with my friend. She said the universe isn't big enough for it to be possible, and that we would know about it already, because "there are only 8 planets in the universe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 356

You deserved it 3 275

Today, my mom called, crying that my sister had dropped her kids off on my mom’s doorstep with no intention of coming back for them. I called and screamed at my sister, who then called my brother, who screamed at me for making my sister cry. All of this because her new boyfriend doesn’t like her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 122

Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 810

You deserved it 959