Performance anxiety
By 2yearsofHotSexThenThis - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - New Zealand
I agree, your life sucks
62 285
You deserved it
11 239
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Comments
Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't. FML much funnier that way I think
agreed. Wording is everything.
clever and funny :D OP: word of advice, sex isn't just about your satisfaction. if you can't get it up, just keep her occupied, keep her happy so you don't embarrass yourself. play it off, worry about it later. i'm not going to say 'you're selfish or narrow-minded for only thinking of your ******* dick', i'm just going to say that you still have other options other than the generic *stick your junk into that hole* approach. use your imagination, it may work even better
Yep. His opportunity couldn't arise.
rocketbest
0
dude, that s bad. Hopefully you will find the one that ll get it up 4 u
#11...yep hilarious. I think you'll be fine OP. Maybe your "opportunity" wasn't what you really wanted?
Just relax & start off with some oral sex :)
If you eat pussy well enough, she doesn't care if your dick is an EPIC FAIL!
letitbe56
0
She does a little bit, but not as much as she would if you sucked at going down AND you can't get it up.
you are not funny at all.
andlifesuxagain
0
How ugly do you have to be to not get laid in a year and a half? Maybe you can give the warranty folks a call to see if they can do something about the defective product you have.
Oh, screw you. I'm nice and have a great personality!
That's what ppl who can only see their dick in a mirror usually say. :)
There are dicks that are so big that a guy can't see the rest of his body? Really?!?! Do they push them around in a wheelbarrow?
Plexico, your comment almost made me choke on my tea. That was hilarious. Wait, wait, wait, back up. You too? What has this world come to!? All this celibacy and people going years without sex... No wonder everyone is stressed out all the time. Sex four times a week boost the immune system. I think I just cured cancer.
Maybe he fapped too much? Unloaded all his load when he meant to just make a deposit.
I heard somewhere that in Britain they are teaching kids "an ****** a day" and most of them would be self-induced. I don't know if too many could kill you, but what a way to go!
christ plexico, i laughed so hard that my mother started to give me dirty looks... this could've been way funnier if it was worded differently. FYL, nonetheless.
fxdxhk90
0
Go to a strip club, that will cure whatever you've got.
Maybe you should have practiced over the course of the year to keep it fit and ready for this moment.
So? What's the big deal? Guys often want to jump to fast to the penetration part. Relax and play around with her longer....it'll give her a better experience as well as draw attention away from the fact that biology isn't cooperating.
some1hones
0
Next time be prepared and take a ***** with you :D
You were probably just nervous. Should have continued foreplay. YOU BLEW IT
starralchemist90
0
According to the fml he didnt "blow" anything :)
TheWorldIsUgly
0
Haha I love that song. Yeah it reminded me too "It must be your face or it's your body." XD
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I agree, your life sucks
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You deserved it
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I agree, your life sucks
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I agree, your life sucks
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You deserved it
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I agree, your life sucks
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I agree, your life sucks
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I agree, your life sucks
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it's too scared from being beaten for the last year haha
the key is finding an actually attractive girl, not anything that you can stick your dick into.