Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: Prissy

Prissy

By Anonymous - 29/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 582

You deserved it 7 282

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 105

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 260

You deserved it 18 045

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 259

You deserved it 25 002

Sex Ed is broken

By asnolt - 24/05/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 713

You deserved it 9 376

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 02:00

Today, my son walked in on me masturbating. Now, whenever I don't do whatever he wants, he blackmails me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 289

You deserved it 2 141

By oldskoolfun - 26/12/2015 23:04 - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 419

You deserved it 10 685

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 645

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 10:34 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 538

You deserved it 15 220

By anonymousyo - 24/04/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 162

You deserved it 4 233

By Nobody - 27/11/2009 21:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had an affair with our marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 679

You deserved it 3 280

sportmaster525 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:11

wow that is one super conservative wife

blah123blah 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:11

LOL! Its kinda natural...

Comments

iFruit 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:53

Mom: Counsellor, I'd like you to speak to my son. You see... he touches himself regularly. Counsellor: I do too!

daarlingdamsel 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:55

Counseling for masturbating? Really?? Teenage boys ********** all the damn time. Hell, men ********** a lot even when they are older!! It's perfectly normal and this woman is a whack job for thinking he needs professional help for it!! No wonder teens are so ****** up nowadays!

sondramcfail 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:55

Your wife is totally insane. Counseling?? Yeesh. I she like a super-duper Christian type? Or just realllly conservative.

plexico 3

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:56

Unless he is shooting his load into the refrigerator, on the walls or into your wife's soiled panties, he is OK.

bexox 0

Thursday 30 July 2009 5:02

lol You know that glue that he spilled on the carpet in his room? It's not glue.

dg72592_fml 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:59

yo your wife is nuts, if i had a son that DIDN'T ********** i'd send him to counseling. thats just not natural

emastermind 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 20:59

# 55 is super crazy

liveitlearnit 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 21:00

I think it's time to rethink your marriage choice. Your wife sounds CRAZY. I've heard of religious parents disapproving of masturbation... but I've never fathomed the thought that someone would force their child into counseling for being sexually healthy.

Puolukka 4

Wednesday 29 July 2009 21:46

Anyone who seriously suggests the OP should be rethinking his marriage choice is CRAZY too. Heck yea that woman overreacted...but I wouldn't automatically assume the uncontrollable sobbing was caused by her husband saying the son should turn out like him...She caught her son masturbating and depending on how old he is she maybe simply saw it as her "baby boy" growing up...that can get women emotional sometimes. My Mom had a similar reaction when she found out my 16-year-old brother shaves his pubic hair...she didn't wanna send him to counseling but she said "there must be something wrong with him"...and my Mom is NOT a crazy bitch...and I'm sure neither is the OPs wife or he wouldn't have married her in the first place and obviously they've been together for quite a while if they have a child that we assume is a teenager.